Is It Time To Change?

It’s hard for a widow to create even more change in her life when it’s already been totally upset by her husband’s death.  But, when you heal, you can change by getting rid of some old habits.  First, lose your list of reasons why you don’t or won’t change and begin by taking one action step.

Answer these questions and hopefully they will get you thinking:

  1. Have your behaviors landed you in a rut?

2.  Are you in a hum-drum routine, just going through the motions every day?

3.  Are most of your evenings spent watching T.V.?

4.  When home do you wear T-shirts and baggy pants or even stay in your pajamas all day?

5.  Do you stand looking in the refrigerator?

6.  Are you a spectator in life, never joining in?

7.  Do you live through T.V., discussing characters as if they were real?

8.  Are your kids or neighbours all you ever talk about?

9. Do you only eat out at fast food places?

10. Do you fantasize about things you never actually do?

11. Do you feel alone, even when people are around?

12. Do you say “No” to most things, no matter what is asked?

If you answered “Yes” to 5 or more of these questions, you may be in a rut.  The less you do, the less you want to do and before you know it, life has passed you by.

Is that what you want?  If not, then you have a decision to make – Is it time to make a change?


3 Responses

  1. Jenifer
    | Reply

    My husband died last November, 2018 at age 62 and I age 54. He was my second husband. I retired in 2017 to move from New England to our home in Florida which was his dream. He only lived 4 weeks after being diagnosed with Stage 4 Pancreatic Cancer. I sold our home in Florida and didn’t have the emotional strength to live alone so I moved back to New England and have been living with my parents. I have no children of my own and I am not close to my late husband’s children. My biggest fear is that I will live a life truly alone once my parent’s die. I can’t work at this time because I suffer from severe anxiety and panic disorder and my grief has only made my condition worse. I am isolated in my grief. I do see a Counselor and I have been to grief support groups. I just feel I died when my husband died and I have no purpose. I am struggling now and definitely in a rut. I feel as though now at age 55 I am too young not to be able to happily live my life as I had intended to with my husband.

    • Mary Francis
      | Reply

      Hi Jenifer – I’m sorry for your loss. I think you already know what you need and have heard it from your Counselor, but I will add to it. You are “isolated in your grief” because you choose to be. It’s time for change and no one can do it for you. I was 50 when Donnie died and I truly understand your pain but if you want to “happily live” you need to step out of your comfort zone. Join a group, hobby, volunteer, part time job etc. Your life will be exactly the same five years from now unless you take control – just one small step. You can do it – you must do it. You are worth it. Mary Francis

  2. Diane
    | Reply

    Hi Jenifer,
    I am sorry for your loss. I lost my husband Terry Oct 31 2019, he was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma on the Easter Long Weekend. His disease was more aggressive than we first realized, he passed suddenly due to complications. Terry and I were married 21 years and co owned a business together. We moved an hour from our small circle of family and friends to build our business. Terry and I did not have children together, I have a stepson who is wonderful however he is a distance away. We did no socializing with other couples, we spent all our time with each other. When he past I had no support close to me other than my neighbours ,without they’re kindness I am not sure how I would have got through the first weeks. I realized that I needed to reach out to an organized bereavement group so that I could be with others going through the same journey as I. I joined a walking group and now am in a 8 week spousal loss group. I continue to run the business, I see my 2 (step) granddaughters weekly, both keep me busy but does not fill the void, does not help with the loneliness nor the dark places my grief takes me at times. I am 56 and have lots of life to live. I go very much out of my comfort zone to be with strangers hoping that someday i will find that new normal that I keep reading about. I am not alone in my grief. I will reach out to another griever today. Today I reach out to you Jenifer. Take care of your self

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