Survivors Guilt

With a sudden death, relationships may be frozen in time with unanswered thoughts of “what if ” and “if only”.

Survivors guilt often has no basis in logic but can be a powerful emotional response to loss.  It helps to do a careful examination of this part of your life and how you feel behind the loss.  Doing so helps survivors see that they had no control of who dies and who doesn’t during an accident or natural disaster.

It’s natural to question why you survived while others did not.  But I suggest that some questions just don’t have answers and may remain forever unanswerable.

The bottom line is that there really isn’t anything we can do but accept that life can be fragile and unpredicable.

Finally, our grief will just get more complicated if we get caught up in the “blame” game.  If your loss is the result of the actions of others you need to accept that what is being harmed by your anger, is yourself and your future.

It’s okay to seek professional help as you process the multiple layers of feelings and be assured that you are not wrong or defective for feeling the way you do.  Survivors guilt is real and it needs to be acknowledged so that your broken heart can start healing.

 

3 Responses

  1. oluwatoyin
    | Reply

    Really love this post

  2. Lucia
    | Reply

    My husband died 2 months ago from a fall that happened in our home. He was rushed to the ER and seemed to be getting better after being told he broke 6 ribs. After a few days his breathing became labored and he had to go on a ventilator. From there on it was down hill and his organs shut down one by one. What a shock when they told me he would not make it and I had to decide to remove the ventilator. I was with him when he passed and all I can see is him taking his last breaths. I cry every day and when I hear something or think of something that reminds me of him I cry some more. I am alone here for 2 months since this isolation started and hardly anyone calls to check up on me. I am still in shock because he went so fast and I still ask WHY? I can’t even think of a future right now because I am thinking of him every minute. We were married for 36 years and I miss him so much.Isolation is not my friend.

    • Mary Francis
      | Reply

      Dear Lucia. I’m so sorry for all that you have gone through. Please consider joining my private Facebook page for widows. There are other Coronavirus widows there to talk with. Go to Facebook search bar and type in “The Sisterhood of Widows – Private Group for Widows Only”. Request to join and answer the three security questions. This is a safe place to share our feeling. Take care and be safe. Mary Francis

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