What Stresses Widows?

Widows can get stressed out by the smallest of things. I’ve noticed, in my own life, that obsessing over what stresses me can cause even more stress. I know that sounds odd, but it’s true.

Think about all the things that bother you on a day-to-day, moment-to-moment basis. For most of us widows there can be unlimited bothersome things, because we are super sensitive when grieving. If you start paying attention to the events and people that get to you, you’ll soon realize that it’s not them that cause you stress but rather how you react to them.

The key is to become an observer of your own reactions. Be an outsider looking in and all of a sudden you’ll say something like, “Wow, did I ever lose it” or “I let myself get caught up in that”. What’s important is that in time you will see that stress isn’t caused by outside of you, but by how your own internal emotions react to it.

Being aware of the difference between what we can control and what we can’t is critical for day-to-day happiness.

I’ve noticed that many widows tend to focus so much on what’s wrong with their lives that they fail to notice what’s going right. Now I understand grief and it has to be acknowledged that your husband is gone and your heart is broken. It takes time, so let yourself grieve, but as you heal blessings for what you still have will become your life line to happiness.

Take a 3 x 5 index card and write three blessings on it. Write it out in detail and every time a negative thought comes to mind, read the card out loud to yourself. You have the power to focus on what’s wrong or focus on what’s right and you will be amazed at how rewarding life is when you focus on your blessings.

If you feel yourself starting to lose your patience, be tired or irritated, allow yourself to step back and pause for two minutes. Take this time to quiet yourself down, to breathe and focus on the beauty of your breath and to simply relax.

What a blessing it is to just reflect on the peace and quiet, so that we can appreciate it while we are still able to do so. Everything else is just stuff that we let take up more of our time and energy then it deserves.

2 Responses

  1. Caryn R. Rosen
    | Reply

    Truly helpful in this crisis time. Thank you,

    • Mary Francis
      | Reply

      You are welcome!

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