My Mom died a few years before my husband. How I wish she could have been there for me. Whenever life took a bad turn Mom would say “It is what it is”. In her way she was telling me that I have to move forward, because there is nothing I can do about it.
That was always good advice and I will remember it till the day I die. Problems and mistakes of the past can never fully be erased, but it’s now time to live my life in the present.
Yes, when you lose a loved one you must grieve and do so fully without hiding your pain behind a mask. We widows need to grieve, but when it’s time we can choose happiness as we move forward.
That happiness doesn’t just fall in our laps. It takes effort and self-discipline. It takes a willingness to be open to new ways and a desire to grow. It takes hope and faith and some courage too. But through it all we always have options on how we react to these changes.
I believe that we heal by changing the way we look at our world. Widows no longer look through rose-colored glasses, but in time we also no longer see it all as bleak and dark. We start to have a better sense of balance between the two. With our broken hearts we see more beauty, more hope, blessings and outcomes even in our deepest points of despair.
We learn that “it is what it is” and that we can create a happy life simply by focusing on a positive mental outlook. We can’t change our loss, but knowing that we have options empowers us so that we don’t feel helpless. In fact it does even more than that, it brings us awareness that this is our life and we are in charge of it.