For widows nothing may be as important then the “Principle of Optimism”, which teaches us to dwell on happiness rather than on despair.
As always, I teach that first we widows need to grieve, but in time we have the choice of a dreary life of no joy or we can treat ourselves to a more balanced life of optimism.
Both sorrow and happiness are part of everyone’s life; good and evil, they are all part of life. So, doesn’t it make sense to start our day with optimism instead of despair? Even when we are feeling mournful and discouraged, we can still choose a path out of our darkness.
When we are grieving it’s easier to name five negative things than five positive things. We need to find the positive side of ourselves, and I know that’s not as easy as it sounds.
One helpful tip is to speak with positive words. An example is that when you use the words “should have” it becomes shame based, as if you didn’t do something that you should have done. Instead, replace it with “could have” and it changes the message you send to yourself. It tells us that we have a choice and that we have simply chosen not to do something – that there is no “should have” and no shame or guilt.
Some healing messages to repeat to ourselves are:
1. My worth is not dependant on the opinion of others.
2. Just being successful does not determine my worth.
3. I am in charge of my life.
4. I am responsible for my actions/reactions.
5. I understand that life is uncertain and is not perfect.
6. Life is full of possibilities.
7. I create my future destiny by the way I live my life.
Love yourself enough to be your own best friend – sending yourself positive, encouraging messages.
When we practice the “Principle of Optimism” we don’t focus on what is missing from our lives, but on what we already have by expressing gratitude. Happiness is all around us and when we are grateful for what we have, we transform our lives into lives of abundance.