Can Widows Find Happiness?

Being happy starts with believing that, as a widow, you deserve to be happy again.  If you believe that you deserve happiness, you can start creating happiness for yourself.

When you look at other widows do you say the following to yourself?

  • They are better at grieving than I am.
  • I will never heal the way they seem to heal.
  • I will never have what they have.
  • I’ve failed too many times at being happy.

You may fake happiness, but do you really believe that you can be happy?  If not, you won’t receive it.  As you begin to require more of life, you will see the changes and that in itself is a start.

You need to abandon all your negative beliefs about your life and start embracing what you are good at, as well as the qualities, traits and characteristics that make you deserving of happiness.  Having value in any one area of your life, will give you enough traction to focus on what you are still blessed with.

Here are some tips to find happiness:

  • Decide on what your talents are – yes, you have them.
  • Focus on the good things in your life.
  • Take notes on what makes you happy.
  • Live up to your potential.

You’ve got to decide, and really believe, that you deserve to be happy again.  Widow need and must take time to grieve.  Then when you are ready, stop beating yourself up for all the mistakes made by yourself or others.  Instead make the conscious effort to find things to be happy about. Because once you’ve changed your thoughts and beliefs, grief will turn to healing, and healing to happiness.

Value other person’s opinions, but follow your own vision because no one is going to live your journey the way you will.  Even if some people don’t like it, be prepared to be okay with saying, “This is the way I see it.”

Sometimes our tendency in life is to think of ourselves as passive observers – to forget that we are active participants in our lives.

13 Responses

  1. Joan Carsten
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    I really needed to read this today. My husband died 5 years ago and I look at my friends and others they all seem to be handling grief and widowhood much better than I am
    Thank you

  2. Suzanne Lamoureux
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    It’s so difficult to determine what the right way to grieve actually is. I personally believe there is no right way only our way. That is not to say we cannot benefit from help in our journey. We need to support each other and not judge. I lost my husband of 31 years one year ago. I am still trying.

  3. Susan
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    I am new to your group and first time posting. I lost my husband last October after 51 1/2 yrs of marriage. Some OK days and some bad days. With the Covid virus and having a Stay at Home Order for most of the winter my in person grief share group couldn’t meet. Its like a double loss without my husband and then not seeing and doing activities with friends. I am trying but it is very hard. Any suggestions would be appreciated.

    • Mary Francis
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      Dear Susan. I am so sorry for your loss and that the virus is interfering with your grief support. I have three free
      guides on my website that you can download and they come with weekly/biweekly email messages from me for the next year. They will offer you support and encouragement as your broken heart heals. And as stated they are free so please help yourself to them.
      Take care and be safe, Mary Francis

    • Melinda Watkins
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      Hello Susan. I am new here too. First posting also. I feel a connection with you because my partner died at about the same time as yours (mine in November), so we are at a similar stage. Tough, isn’t it? Like you I have had to stay indoors until recently (I live in London where it is called being “shielded” against covid-19) because of a health condition. I sometimes think that the lock-down doesn’t bother me much as I have a solitary nature anyway. But I know it does prevent activities which might be a temporary distraction from being miserable. But then again – much of the benefit from going out gets wiped out by the pain of coming home to a house where he isn’t here. Best wishes. Mel.

  4. Terri Goguen
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    Okay, here goes. I lost my husband on April 23rd. Almost 3 months ago. He was the love of my life. It was not my 1st marriage. I was married 17 yrs and ended in divorce. My next marriage lasted 10 years and my husband passed away. That was when I met my 3rd husband. I was devastated to go through thick and thin, went through good and bad when he got sick and a month later passed. I then met a wonderful man on line and helped me through a very difficult time. I soon became friends to a very nice guy. I fell in love and were married. We were married for 8 years until he passed away. I miss my best friend. I am picking myself up and feeling grateful. Grateful for the time I had and the life we shared.

    • Mary Francis
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      Hi Terri. Thank you for sharing your journey. You are a perfect example of just how strong we women are. I love your sense of gratitude for what you had and your guts to live life to the fullest. Mary Francis

  5. Liz
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    I am grieving also my husband of twenty years passed away July 20 of cancer. It was the worse thing I have ever been through. I was holding his hand when he took his last breath. I can’t seem to get that out of my memory no matter what. I have been hoping it wasn’t real just a bad dream I would wake of from.

  6. Suzy
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    Oct 6 2019 two police officers knocked on my door to inform me that my husband had just been in an auto accident, and ‘didn’t make it’. Didn’t make it?? What…. you’re wrong, we’ve been married 35 years and we just retired in order to start Playing. Didn’t make it??
    Took me weeks to believe it wasnt all a huge mistake (his sisters went to the morgue in my place) to ‘identify the body’. Couple hours before he was ‘my husband’ and now he’s ‘the body’?

    First months I would bend over in half from the pain when it would wash over me.
    Found a therapist because as she said, it was a trauma for me also, and altho he passed from blunt force trauma, I was here with my own blunt force trauma.

    10 months in I still cry at the drop of a hat and talk out loud to him every day to fill him in on new ‘gossip’. He always enjoyed my gossip. ( : Or News as he called it ‘whats new my baby?’

    He’s visited, i cannot actually see him but 3 or 4 times in the first months he very obviously moved things around, and on his birthday I distinctly smelled his shave cream, twice! that I had tossed weeks before, and he would make things happen for me to see so I would stop grieving so deeply and feeling guilty, I overslept that morning and he got out alone to drive with his brand new parkinsons. Oh, and the night before I yelled at him for not ‘trying’ to get better. Live with that.

    10 months in, I now believe he died (almost!) and am trying to get out once a day even with the Plague out there, shopping, Mass, visiting him at the cemetery nearly every day just to ‘chat’
    So ladies, as my best friend described it, the grief is still there, but it softens.
    Perfect description, it softens.

    • Mary Francis
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      Thank you Suzy for sharing your journey, your grief and your healing. Take care and be safe. Mary Francis

  7. Tracy Martinez
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    This is my first time posting. I am so gals that I found this site, it is like I was meant to find it. In March of 2019 I lost my husband of 19 years (22 yrs together total). I have not yet allowed myself to start grieving. I am afraid that if I start it will never stop. I still have not forgiven myself for being out of town for work when we suddenly passed. This is the man that I have spent over half of my life with, we got together when I was 20. My husband was 14 yrs my senior and he gave me 4 wonderful children ( technically they are my stepchildren but he, his ex and I have always worked together to raise the children) I also have 5 beautiful grandchildren.

    I have only been able to go to the cemetery twice. While I have driven there our near there very often I cannot bring myself to actually stop. I speak to him in my head everyday and always hope and pray that I get some type of sign that he is still with me but have not as of yet.

    We lived 1,000 miles away from our families when he passed and I have since sold the house and moved back to my parents house to be closer to all of our families. I just do not know how to actually move on and honestly I am scared to move forward, I know that I will not date again as I always promised my husband that if he passed first I would never cheat on him and stay faithful until we met again in heaven. Honestly, I don’t want to date again because I know that I had my soulmate

    I know that everybody grieves differently, but if anyone has had to overcome guilt and denial I would love a little advice on how I can try to allow myself to grieve and still be able to function.

    Thank you for listening as this is the first time that I have even been able to open up at all since my baby passed. Being able to get some of this out even if just on paper was scary but has lifted some of the weight.

    • Mary Francis
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      Hi Tracy. First let me say how sorry I am for your loss. The best place to get advice is go to my private Facebook page “The Sisterhood Of Widows – Private Group for Widows”.

      It is over 4,000 widows only who support and encourage each other. You have to answer the security questions to get approved and the group is free.

      Just the fact that you are sharing your story shows that your starting to heal. Writing out our thoughts and memories in a journal helps. Later you can read your past journal notes and see how far you have come.

      Take care and be safe. Mary Francis

    • Mary Francis
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      Dear Tracy. I’m sorry for your loss. I believe that we have to allow ourselves to grieve before our broken heart can heal. Grieving is a very emotional journey that often has anger, denial and guilt that has to be processed.

      Even if you were home, that doesn’t mean anything would have changed. I was in the other room when my Donnie suddenly died sitting at the table. I thought if I was just in the same room I could have done something, but it wasn’t to be.

      It has been 13 years and I’m not interested in dating, but I’ve always said that if the right guy came into my life I would think about it🤗. One thing I’ve learned is that to heal I have to be open to change.

      Take care and be safe. Mary Francis

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