Widows Are Just Not Themselves

There were many times during my grief where I said things I didn’t mean, many instances where I did things I would never have done under normal circumstances.

I believe that when your heart and soul are being ripped from you, it is pretty normal for you to feel “not so normal”.

I will never forget thinking, “I don’t know this person”.  It really is like someone had stolen my life away from me.  It felt like somehow I was living someone else’s life.  I was definitely “just not myself”.  It was hard for me to move forward, and it took some painful events before I could finally make the decision to do so.

Looking back, I am amazed when I think of the power my grief had over my life.  You need to be strong and set boundaries to keep your emotional state from worsening.  Hang in there, it may be quite some time before you find yourself.  This moment isn’t easy, but you are not alone.  Even though all of us widows are different, we’ve been where you are and life will go on.  You will hear the birds sing again, and the sun will shine again.

Make lists of all your blessings, putting on paper what you do have.  Please don’t put your life on hold.  Yes, grieve – but also live.

I understand that you are not yourself, how can you be!  But refusing to create a new normal can be devastating.  There is no feeling that I can think of, that is worse than the feeling of not being loved.

You will not be able to live again and build a new dream for your-self until you are truly able to let go of the dreams you had as a couple.

Make it your intention to get educated and stand up for what you need.  In real life, this stage of grief is a slippery slope that can propel you backward and forward.  Just when you think that your grief is under control, it bubbles up like hot lava, threatening to erupt.  Don’t linger in the desert of grief for too long, or you may find yourself on the road to becoming a very bitter, unhappy old woman.

  1. Sherry Andre
    | Reply

    Exactly. The last thing that I want to be is a bitter, angry, woman. As much as I will always love my late husband, I don’t want to live in my grief for years and years. Thank you for this reminder.

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