Widows Are Just Not Themselves

There were many times during my grief where I said things I didn’t mean, many instances where I did things I would never have done under normal circumstances.

I believe that when your heart and soul are being ripped from you, it is pretty normal for you to feel “not so normal”.

I will never forget thinking, “I don’t know this person”.  It really is like someone had stolen my life away from me.  It felt like somehow I was living someone else’s life.  I was definitely “just not myself”.  It was hard for me to move forward, and it took some painful events before I could finally make the decision to do so.

Looking back, I am amazed when I think of the power my grief had over my life.  You need to be strong and set boundaries to keep your emotional state from worsening.  Hang in there, it may be quite some time before you find yourself.  This moment isn’t easy, but you are not alone.  Even though all of us widows are different, we’ve been where you are and life will go on.  You will hear the birds sing again, and the sun will shine again.

Make lists of all your blessings, putting on paper what you do have.  Please don’t put your life on hold.  Yes, grieve – but also live.

I understand that you are not yourself, how can you be!  But refusing to create a new normal can be devastating.  There is no feeling that I can think of, that is worse than the feeling of not being loved.

You will not be able to live again and build a new dream for your-self until you are truly able to let go of the dreams you had as a couple.

Make it your intention to get educated and stand up for what you need.  In real life, this stage of grief is a slippery slope that can propel you backward and forward.  Just when you think that your grief is under control, it bubbles up like hot lava, threatening to erupt.  Don’t linger in the desert of grief for too long, or you may find yourself on the road to becoming a very bitter, unhappy old woman.

3 Responses

  1. Sherry Andre
    | Reply

    Exactly. The last thing that I want to be is a bitter, angry, woman. As much as I will always love my late husband, I don’t want to live in my grief for years and years. Thank you for this reminder.

  2. Lisa Smith
    | Reply

    Yesterday was the 19th anniversary of my moms death. The same day I got the results of a negative follow up test after having Covid. Today marks 2 months since my dad died. Three days ago was exactly 7 months since my soulmate, my husband died 10 days after finding out his bone cancer was not in remission but in fact genetically worse than the dr had ever seen. With this pandemic, I am relieved my husband did not have to live through this and his medical conditions. He always had a positive attitude in spite of everything. He lifted me up when I was down and was my support emotionally with my own medical issues. I know I am loved by my family and friends but I still feel almost a physical pain with his passing. I was his primary caregiver so we were usually together 24/7. I find it has brought another level of loss I need to navigate. After being married for 18 1/2 years,together for 24 1/2 years, I find myself at 54 a widow of an Air Force Vet. And the first time in the majority of those years lost and not sure where to turn.

    • Mary Francis
      | Reply

      Hi Lisa – I am sorry for your loss and understand why you are not sure where to turn.
      I have a private group for Widows on Facebook. It is a great place to meet some new friends. “The Sisterhood Of Widows – Private Group for Widows” type in Facebooks search bar. I hope the widows there are able to help.

      Take care and be safe. Mary Francis

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