How Do I Mend My Broken Heart?

Widows often ask themselves, “How do I mend my broken heart?”  I know, it seems impossible, but you can make it through your grief.  Widows are not passive observers of their life – they are active participants and their broken hearts happen through them, not to them.

We can heal what we are ready to acknowledge and accept our grief, and it’s all on us as no one else can mend our broken hearts for us.

What did you need and want, but did not ask for, what you know in your heart, but chose to ignore anyway?

Rather than retelling the hurts that have happened, get clear about who you want to be moving forward.  Focus on asking for what you need and want, to support your new future.  To truly feel better, you must be committed to taking action steps.  You must make that first move, that hard first step, no matter how difficult.

Give yourself permission to try and fail.  Give yourself all the time you need and know that you simply cannot feel this sad forever, your broken heart will heal.

You need something else from life, something new.  Go with an open mind.  Try things out, life is full of possibilities.  The future shouldn’t be about finding just the right thing to fill the void.  You don’t need a specific solution, a magic fix; instead you need a new outlook for embracing and trying out new things.

Be determined to have a future filled with adventures and people you haven’t yet dreamed of. You turn a corner in your grief journey and see all that is available – don’t hold back.

This is where you need to pick friends wisely.  Like attracts like and if you are in a negative mindset your friends are probably supporting you in all ways – both good and bad.

Look for friends that have positive qualities that will not only help you mend your broken heart, but also support you as you try out new things.

14 Responses

  1. CAROL
    | Reply

    My question is that , how do you move on , financially, No matter how much you love and miss the warm hand to hold at night.
    The financial part is literally making me sick. Since my husband passed , It is could happen financially , it has happened.
    I lost my job after 22 years and have 3 other jobs since last year. And now looking again. Used up almost 20 years of 401k money and have no other resources. It makes me sick every day to determine how to pay for needs to fixed and still have money to live day to day.

    My husband was Police Officer for 27 Years in Harris County, Texas . So of course there was not a large amount of life insurance and what I did have , i spent on my daughters medication , since she was diagnosed with a mental disorder and has become increasing worse since he died. I am physically and mentally exhausting . Any advise.

    • Mary Francis
      | Reply

      Dear Carol. I’m so sorry for your loss. You need some sound finically advice. Someone who can go over all your income and expenses with you. They can also plan out what the correct steps are for you to take. If you can’t afford to pay for a professional then find free professional advice through your bank, senior centres or social affairs. Don’t try to do this on your own. Seek out professional help. Take care and be safe.

  2. Crystal Weld
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    Thank you for today’s post! I really needed it.Its been 4 months since my husband past and I’m so tired of being so sad. It’s so painful and I miss everything about him so much. I want to move forward and your site has really helped me in just these few weeks that I signed up. So Thankyou for being here!

    • Mary Francis
      | Reply

      Thank you Crystal for sharing your positive energy. Take care and be safe.

  3. Judy Absalom
    | Reply

    Thank you for the information. I’m so greatful to have something to read and fall back on supportively. Blessings, keep em coming!!

  4. Lynn
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    I am really struggling with loosing my soulfmate after 26 years of marriage. We were together since the age of 16, have wonderful young adult children who still need him. His illness was short and unexpected. I still can’t believe this has happened. Like everyone else i can be fine but them become totally overwhelmed. I am just very sad, have no energy, and can’t imagine this changing. I plan to try going back to work in Sept. but am starting to wonder if I can manage. Any suggestions for how to cope at work or whst a reasonable time frame is to take off?

    Thanks,
    Lynn

    • Mary Francis
      | Reply

      Dear Lynn. What does “reasonable time frame” mean? That really depends of the widow and how her grief journey is. What is reasonable two weeks for one widow, may be too short for another widow. While two months may be perfect for someone but way too long for another. I went back in two weeks but didn’t last three days. Left for another month and was better when I came back. In hindsight I should have stayed out longer the first time. Do what you feel is right for you. Maybe a you can go back part time or half days. Doesn’t hurt to ask work what options they have available. Take care and be safe. Mary Francis

  5. Janice Becker
    | Reply

    Thanks I don’t know where to go or what to do I only know that I have to move forward and I’m not sure where to go? need help!?

    • Mary Francis
      | Reply

      There is a private Facebook group called “The Sisterhood Of Widows – Private Group for Widows” that you can request to join.

      For more online support, encouragement, blog postings, resource links and free downloadable guides please check out my website http://www.thesisterhoodofwidows.com

      My husband died after 27 years of marriage and I understand how it feels to suddenly be a widow. I’m so very sorry for your loss.

  6. Tina
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    It’s been now a year since my husband of 24 years passed. I felt like my heart died too. But I went thru my grieving relatively alone, but I did go thru it. Also had other traumatic situations occur that caused even more trauma. Then met an awesome man that were trying to make a relationship work only to have negative people cause more stress n trauma. I’m not used to all this stress or drama. My husband did his best to keep me away from all that. We never fought but communicated very well n talked about everything. I understand my husband is gone n never returning. I also know a new relationship takes time. With my husband’s death, the other traumatic events, new relationship, moving away from my home to a new home in another state has exhausted me, energy depleted yet I continue to try to stay upbeat n positive…
    Was told by my chiropractor after he did an x-ray of my chest to see how out of alignment I was noticed my heart didn’t look right to go to urgent care to be checked out…he said it looked to him I had a resent heart attack. I’ll know more Monday. Would counseling help? I really don’t trust therapist due to several bad experiences…not sure what to do but willing to hear any suggestions.
    Thank you

    • Mary Francis
      | Reply

      Dear Tina

      In a year you:

      Lost your husband
      Started a new relationship
      Moved away to another State

      Any one of these is mentally exhausting and all three together would bring anyone to their knees.

      For sure a therapist would help. But I would also advise that you settle down and let yourself grieve. It helps to keep a
      Journal to write out all your feelings.

      You could request to join my private Facebook page “The Sisterhood of Widows – Private Group for Widows” as it has over 15,000 widows that support and encourage each other.

      Sorry for your loss.
      Mary Francis

  7. Robin Ann Riggins Feher
    | Reply

    My husband passed away 4 months ago. I am so heartbroken as most widowers are. We were married for 36 years. I was 23 when I got married, my husband was 33. My sisters have been very helpful. they helped me with all of the arrangements and went shopping with me for my husband’s suit. (He had suits but I wanted to send him off in a new one). Sometimes I find it very difficult to concentrate, but I try not to constantly think what our future would look like. I went to get my nails polished (something I used to enjoy), but I got home and cried because I felt like I was leaving my husband behind. I don’t know why, but it felt wrong. My heart hurts so much aches to be exact. I’m trying to do little things but I really don’t want to. I used to love walking in the stores, but I am just sad.I still go to tell him things and he is not there. He was a good man, kind, generous and easy going. I don’t know how to stop missing him but I know it has only been 4 months. The summer was both our favorite season, I still visualize him sitting outside. I miss him so much, but I do not want to always burden my sisters. Every where I look I see our lives together. How do I begin to heal and not always cry? Thank you for your help and guidance.

    • Mary Francis
      | Reply

      Dear Robin
      Crying is part of your healing. Your broken heart has to grief before it can heal.

      Start a journal and write out all your feelings and thoughts. In a year you can look back and see how much your heart has healed.

      Accept every invitation you get to go and do something. It’s good to be social even if you have to force yourself to do it.

      And remember to have a friend you must first be a friend so don’t give up on them when they say or do stupid things. They can’t possibly understand your grief if they haven’t walked your path.

      Sorry for your loss,
      Mary Francis

  8. Robin Feher
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    Thank you for getting back to me so quickly. I spend every waking moment thinking about my husband. My heart hurts but I will try. But I can’t stop thinking about what I could have done differently.
    My husband passed away at home. He was not sick he just had an upset stomach and when I went to check if he wanted soup he was gone. I’m still in shock I guess because it was so unexpected. Today I will try to be positive and thankful I will start a journal today. Thank you Mary for your support

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