Can A Widow Forgive Herself?

Widows can be hard on themselves.  I mean we all make mistakes, life isn’t perfect and never will be.  You may think that your late husband, family and friends would never forgive you if they knew what you did or didn’t do.  In your mind, the sheer awfulness of it rocks you with guilt, regret and shame.

Yes, God can forgive you (if that is your belief), but how can you forgive yourself?  If you are not careful, not forgiving yourself may become a way of life for you.  It’s easy to fall into self-doubt and beat yourself up daily because you think you have let others down.  This is where, it’s important to step back and remind yourself that you are not the super heroine you think you should be.

Understand how not forgiving yourself may be holding you back from becoming the person you want to be.  If you wallow in guilt for what you did or didn’t do, how can you grow?  Not forgiving yourself requires standing still, remaining in the place you were when you originally couldn’t forget and forgive yourself.

You need to acknowledge what happened and move forward.  It does not mean that you condone what happened.  It does not mean that you forget.  But it does mean that you give yourself some compassion and cut yourself some slack.  Why not?  You would for someone you love, so do it for yourself.

7 Responses

  1. LaQueena Smith
    | Reply

    You have no clue how much I can relate to this blog. It is like you read my mind. Thank you for posting. It is going to help set soo many people free from the guilt that comes with grief.

  2. Teresa
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    This post is EXACTLY the way I am feeling right now. I lost my husband on September 23rd and I am just beside myself with grief and guilt that I feel. I miss him more than words can say.

  3. EAM
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    I lost my husband end of August, and the words written in this post are exactly how I feel.

  4. Cheryl
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    I lost my life partner in July and am still struggling with the ‘if only i had done (this), Greg might still be alive.”. I keep going over in my head how he was behaving the night before he died, totally out of character. That should have been a bigger red flag to me than I allowed it to be. I intuitively knew something wasn’t right and yet I didn’t insist we go to the ER. I don’t know if it’ll ever get to the point where I can forgive myself. I miss him so much.

    • Mary Francis
      | Reply

      Dear Cheryl – Hindsight and a magic ball don’t exist, and so we do the best with what we know at the moment. There are no redos for our past, but we learn for the present and future. This may sound harsh but “it is what it is” and you are worth a life where you move forward and love yourself while doing it. Take care and be safe. Mary Francis

  5. Adeboyin
    | Reply

    This message is for me, thanks for set me free with this message.

  6. JMH
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    This is exactly how I feel. On October 6, 2020 @ 9:53 pm my husband died. I have been mentally beating myself up because of the guilt I felt for not doing more for him while he was alive. He was diagnosed with a crippling disease 4 years ago and it was progressed to the point that his prognosis was very poor. He got angry and became so mean to me, and in return I got angry.
    I tried so hard not to be angry in return. I really tried. God has already forgiven me. But now I have to forgive myself,

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