Widows Ask – What Now?

The question before me, now that I am a widow, is now to live well.  I’ve found to be fully alive I have to focus on what I have to offer the world.  Nothing shows being alive more than a widow who is active, committed and aware of who she is.

Grief is crazy, there are no life rafts, no floats, and no shortcuts.  Rather than trying to avoid it, stop and ask yourself, “What now?”  Easier said than done, you say?  Maybe, but what other choice do you have?

When Donnie died I was fifty and it took me some time to understand that I might live a long life, and so “what did I want?”  I ask myself – “What will my life look like when I’m ninety?”

The great thing about getting older is getting your priorities straight.  Now you can stop dancing to everybody else’s tune and focus instead on your own dance.

It doesn’t really matter your age when you became a widow, because your reaction to your loss determines your journey more than your age.

Researchers have found a strong link between quality of life as we age and the quality of our social life.  Being with other people keeps us healthy and helps relieve our stress.  Friends help us to avoid loneliness and depression.  Now is the time (while grieving) to keep in contact with your friends and make an effort to make some new friends.  Friends laugh with us, we can help them and in return they help us.  They share our adventures and become part of our memories.

Critical to “What now?” is a network of intimate friends, healing relationships, knowing how to play and seeking good health.  Are you ready to move forward?

First you grieve, then you have to be ready to ask yourself, “What now?”, and open up your future to all the possibilities out there.

7 Responses

  1. Crystal Weld
    | Reply

    Thank you Mary,
    As before your writings have been everything for me! Your emails seem to come right when , I’m drowning in grief, trying to stay afloat! I’m soo great full for you and your experience, and thoughts!

    For the reminder to keep living!
    Crystal Weld

    • Mary Francis
      | Reply

      You are welcome Crystal. Thank you for encouraging me!! Mary Francis

    • Mary Francis
      | Reply

      Thank you Crystal for taking the time to encourage me💕. Mary Francis

  2. Jane Bradley
    | Reply

    It’s all good advice, but with Covid I’m finding it very difficult to make new friends and I don’t have any children or family nearby. It is also hard to be confident and meet new people when you’re grieving.

    • Cienda
      | Reply

      Jane Bradly, same goes to me.
      I just copy what you write and paste here.

    • Mary Francis
      | Reply

      Hi Jane – I have a private group for Widows on Facebook. It is a great place to meet some new friends. “The Sisterhood Of Widows – Private Group for Widows” type in Facebooks search bar.

  3. Amy
    | Reply

    “It doesn’t really matter your age when you became a widow, because your reaction to your loss determines your journey more than your age”

    Hi Mary – I was so moved by this sentence in your post. I have taken the advice to heart and appreciate your wisdom.

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