The holidays were designed to remind us that love for each other is the most valuable of all gifts. However, I know many widows who have suffered at the hands of others and unfortunately they have descended into a frozen state of unforgiveness.
They use drugs to numb their pain, lash out in anger or retreat into silent despair. I understand their pain but I also know that despite unimaginable suffering, other widows have found their way back to happiness and we can too.
Buddhist monks developed a quality known as “loving kindness”. We may think that this means thinking of others but the opposite is true. Start by caring for yourself by silently repeating meditative phrases that start with “May I …” Examples:
“May I be happy”
“May I enjoy life”
“May I be healthy”
This may seem strange and fake but if you continue this simple practice you will begin to feel peace within yourself.
This unconditional love for yourself will gradually mend those hurts that you thought would never heal. To lose the capacity to love and forgive is a real thing that can destroy your ability to be happy.
Real forgiveness must honor and protect those that have hurt us. A truly forgiving widow is someone who experiences all the sadness and anger and yet still acts with fairness and compassion.
This blog posting is from page 9 of my “Survivor’s Guide”
A Guide to Surviving all those Special Occasions