Widows Heal By Forgiving

The holidays were designed to remind us that love for each other is the most valuable of all gifts.  However, I know many widows who have suffered at the hands of others and unfortunately they have descended into a frozen state of unforgiveness.

They use drugs to numb their pain, lash out in anger or retreat into silent despair. I understand their pain but I also know that despite unimaginable suffering, other widows have found their way back to happiness and we can too.

Buddhist monks developed a quality known as “loving kindness”. We may think that this means thinking of others but the opposite is true. Start by caring for yourself by silently repeating meditative phrases that start with “May I …” Examples:

“May I be happy”

“May I enjoy life”

“May I be healthy”

This may seem strange and fake but if you continue this simple practice you will begin to feel peace within yourself.

This unconditional love for yourself will gradually mend those hurts that you thought would never heal. To lose the capacity to love and forgive is a real thing that can destroy your ability to be happy.

Real forgiveness must honor and protect those that have hurt us. A truly forgiving widow is someone who experiences all the sadness and anger and yet still acts with fairness and compassion.

This blog posting is from page 9 of my “Survivor’s Guide”

A Guide to Surviving all those Special Occasions

4 Responses

  1. June483
    | Reply

    I am forgiving everyone that made themselves scarce when he got diagnosed and we were going through chemo.
    I am forgiving everyone that has been absent during these past 9 months while I have been grieving which makes it very uncomfortable for me when I finally run into them. Although I forgive I still feel a wall between me and most of the rest of my world of people that I thought would have been there for me, my kids and yes, my late husband. I have learned how small my world actually is and it leaves a rather empty feeling.

    • Mary Francis
      | Reply

      Dear Jane. I’m so very sorry for your loss. Once Covid-19 is over please make your world big again by making new friends and doing things that you enjoy. Only you can be you, but for now let yourself grieve and your broken heart heal.

      Stay safe and take care. Mary Francis

      • Ann Iafrate
        | Reply

        Thanks Mary Francis, this i will do. I am grateful for my kids and realize that there must be a lot of lonely people that are not as fortunate. I will reach out once I have my energy back and I plan to remain kind and forgiving to everyone else. If I want to be reunited with my husband someday I have to behave on this earth! I appreciate your website.

        • Mary Francis
          | Reply

          Hi Ann. – I thank you for your positive words of encouragement. I need it just as everyone else does.🤗.
          Thank you. Mary Francis

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