The one thing widows don’t understand after the death of their husbands is that widows deserve happy lives. Few widows believe they deserve all the best of life as they move forward on their own.
It took me a while to understand that I am already good enough and that I am in control of my thoughts and so my future.
In the early part of the last century, our life expectancy would be about 49 years. Thankfully, today it is about 85 years – this means when Donnie died (I was 50 years old) I would have the potential to live another 35 years as a widow. Now, I have to decide, would they be 35 years of grief and sadness or 35 years of a happy and fulfilling life. How do I see myself – sick and lonely or healthy and vital?
For me I wanted to contribute until my last breath or at least as long as I had the ability to do so. Each day is new and different and widows struggle to survive and find out how to live fully. It starts with loving yourself first and accepting that you deserve happiness.
I used to think that I had to lose weight, get my bills paid, find another love or whatever, before I could be happy. I thought that when I moved into my new house, then I would be happy. But the thing was, I carried all my baggage with me no matter where I lived or what I did.
I soon realized that I didn’t believe that I deserved to be happy – I didn’t love myself.
Today, I’m older and wiser, and I understand that happiness is enjoying life by myself just as I am. Beating myself up only keeps me stuck in the past. Instead I build up my self-worth by positive thoughts and words.
Ask yourself this: If I don’t treat myself with kindness, who will?