Everyone gave me the same advice “You need to get more balance in your life and learn to rest more, have more fun.” I had just become a widow and my life didn’t end when Donnie died, but I needed to find out how to live without him.
That may sound easy, but it isn’t. To me, as a recent widow, balance was out of reach. It was only after I had weathered the first hard years of widowhood that I could see how out of balance my life really was.
How easily I would say yes to work, remodeling a house and doing projects, but I rarely said yes to myself. I didn’t relax or make time to exercise. I kept so busy that I seldom went out with friends.
The ridiculous thing was that I was the one in control. I was the one who believed I didn’t have enough time or energy to focus on my needs. The real problem was that I hadn’t decided whether I deserved to enjoy my life.
I began to look at the ways I had shut down when Donnie died. I’d been so consumed with healing my pain that I had left minimal space for rebuilding my life just for me. Now I make a daily effort to take care of myself and feel good about it.
Don’t put your life on hold while you “self-improve”, take steps today. Find people who will help you to rediscover the parts of yourself that were lost in grief.
Yes, grieving is hard and emotional healing comes in waves. Some days you won’t be able to name one good thing in your life, other days seem to dance with promise.
Mental stimulation is something we neglect as we grieve. We simply did not have the energy for anything new. But we need to heal and become eager to learn again.
You have to take time for just you. You may need to develop new friendships, hobbies or even romance. Search your heart and you may find a piece of yourself you thought you had lost.
In your life it will take a certain amount of introspection to determine what makes you feel good, what is interesting, and what is fun for you. Once you know, make a deal with yourself to do something about it. Just taking one positive step forward, puts you back in control.