Don’t Ask These 3 Questions

I know it’s hard to be a widow, but I want you to stop worrying about things that are just not worth your energy.  Please don’t ask these 3 questions because they focus on the negative and you need to focus on the positive when healing.

We are always making “to do” lists, and I like that, but I’ve learned to stop asking the following questions when making my list:

  1. What am I doing wrong?

Asking this question is to assume that you are doing something wrong.  The truth is that there is nothing wrong with the way you are grieving, this is your journey.  Instead focus your attention on what you are doing right.

  1. When will I be happy?

There is no time frame for grief.  Instead identify what you want, do what you can and accept that you need to grieve before you can heal your broken heart.

  1. How can I get control?

Sadly, you can never truly control everything in your life, no one can.  To assume that you can, will only set you up for disappointment.  Instead ask “How can I respond gracefully to what just happened?”

Please understand that hope and joy are more than just wishes.  Widow can be grieving, and yet still have hope and joy in their lives.

Many things have been lost to a widow, but we still have the opportunities to choose joy.  It is in that choice that our true freedom lies.  Life is work and we are privileged to be here even with all of life’s terrible trials.

There is no such thing as a “finished” life.  It doesn’t matter what your circumstances are, you can choose joy and hope.  Joy isn’t waiting at the end of your grief – joy needs to be part of your journey.  It starts with finding joy in your memories and hope in your future.

What is really important to you as you move forward?  The greatest joy lies not in just getting by, but in becoming all that you can be.  Have the courage to live your life the way you really want to.  I know that joy comes from being connected to what you really want in life.

Once you discover exactly how you want to use your life and spend your energy going forward, real joy and hope can’t help but follow.  Ask yourself positive focused questions and don’t wait till sometime in the future.  Do it now, because you can still have hope and joy even while grieving.

7 Responses

  1. Amanda McPhee
    | Reply

    I so needed to see this today! I feel so lost and alone and like my life will never be the same. Today makes 25 days since I lost my wife and every little thing in my life reminds me of her, I relive every memory we ever had at night at bedtime. Night time is the worst for me. I didn’t sleep at all last night. I laid there and thought about her and cried until time to get up for work then did my best to pull myself together.

    • Mary Francis
      | Reply

      Dear Amanda – the best advise I was given when Donnie died was to accept my grief as it was a healthy and normal part of healing.

      When you are ready to heal you will naturally feel the pull to take steps towards building a future for yourself.

      Take care and be safe.
      Mary Francis

      • Amanda McPhee
        | Reply

        Thank you, I hope I make it to that point someday.

    • Lisa Perdue
      | Reply

      I am 3 weeks out from losing my husband. I can’t see life without him💔

      • Liz
        | Reply

        Me too,Lisa. It’s so hard. Hang in there.

  2. Barb
    | Reply

    There are times the memories 💔flood in the good and bad. Remembering the struggles he had during the terminal illness and the joys we had when we met. Pictures are posted everywhere in my house just to remember those moments I cry 😢but I am numb too. I know it will take time yet time ⏲️is slowly crawling or rushing by.

  3. Marie peters
    | Reply

    finding joy in your memories and hope in your future.those words strike me so true and powerful. Thank you.

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