How Are You Doing?

How Are You Doing – Really Doing?  People ask us all the time how we are doing and we usually say that we are doing “fine”, but I have some questions for you to answer:

  1. Do you think of your husband every single day?
  2. Do you enjoy your memories or do they upset you?
  3. Have you accepted your life as a single person?
  4. Are you ready to plan for your future?
  5. Do you want to invest in your personal growth?

 

YouTube post on my channel “The Sisterhood of Widows”

How Are You Doing – Really Doing?

 

11 Responses

  1. Betsy Janeway
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    I’ve been a widow for nine months and it isn’t getting any easier, and better. When will it be better? When will I stop crying? I thought once Spring arrived, and the long winter ended, I’d be happier, but it’s so beautiful here in Spring, trees flowering, lilacs blooming, and I want him to see it with me. I do not know how to handle my grief. Any advice would be welcome.

    • Mary Francis
      | Reply

      Dear Betsy. Let go of your expectations of time alone healing your broken heart. There is no magic time frame for grieving.

      Here are three tips:

      Keep a Journal so you can look back and see how far you have come.

      Get outside for a twenty minute walk every day.

      De-clutter your space as it helps you to feel like you are accommodating something.

      Social time, even if it’s just a phone call to someone every day. Talk about your loss and grief to someone who understands and supports you.

      If you want to be with other widows you can request to join our Facebook group (currently 7,000 members). Search “The Sisterhood Of Widows – Private Group for Widows” and request to join.

      Take care and be safe
      Mary Francis

  2. Carolyn Crisher
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    Betsy it’s been 14 months for me and the pain is still raw. See if your insurance covers a virtual therapist, mine has helped. Or contact a hospice for a grief group, also virtual. Every little bit helps. I’m thinking grief takes it’s own sweet time. Seems like no one understands and so jealous of other couples. We must do the best we can Carolyn

  3. Denise Ramirez
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    It’s been 9 months. Ebb and flow. I miss the day to day more than anything. We also had Dodger season tickets. I gave them up, as I just couldn’t go without him. Sometimes I just cry, thinking about him, and yet, when I think of our special memories, I can smile. We celebrated 40 years of marriage in Vegas, two weeks before the Covid shutdown. That was a blessing. I’m going to Maui with family for a wedding. That should be nice☺️

    • Mary Francis
      | Reply

      Hi Denise. Sorry for your loss. I think that you are on the right path as you have reached the point where you can see the blessings you still have in life.

      Take care and be safe.
      Mary Francis

  4. Sherry Snyder
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    I am pushing 29 months without my Mike and feel I am doing okay but should be doing better. I do love our memories, but then upset myself with the thought there will be no more. I know I must accept the fact that I am single; however in spirit I am not single. I think of Mike daily and do write in a journal at least once per week. My question is when am I going to stop thinking of him being gone month by month? I purchased a new vehicle after the one we purchased together was totaled after an accident. I adopted another dog after the one we had together passed away. Two days before my birthday our dog passes away and two days after my birthday was Mike’s 28th month. You have been a wonderful inspiration and I thank you for the continuous help we give.

    • Mary Francis
      | Reply

      Dear Sherry. I’m sorry for your loss. In the beginning we think of them hourly, then daily, monthly etc. There is no tidy time frame of when we move from one stage into another.

      Let yourself grieve as your heart wants to. One day it will dawn on you that that it has been a few days. It will happen naturally when it is meant to happen as it can’t and shouldn’t be forced. Grief has to travel its own journey and not be rushed or hidden. That is the normal and healthy way for you to process all the changes around you.

      I think you are doing great. Talking about your grieve is the best thing you can do.

      Take care and be safe
      Mary Francis

  5. Paige Lewiecki
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    My husband died on 12/05/20 from an issue that was first diagnosed on 10/23/20 so it was quite sudden. Less than 6 months later it’s not any better than it was right after he died. He was my best friend for over 25 years and I’m incredibly lonely without him. I have many friends who offer support but it’s not the same and they’re not in my empty house at night.

    • Mary Francis
      | Reply

      Hi Paige – I’m sorry for your loss, and I wish I could say there is a magic formula or time frame for grief but there is not. Grief has to have its time and it needs to be out in the open, talked about and shared with loyal friends or family members. I suggest that you start writing in a book, write out all your feelings, angry, sad, depressed, lonely etc. and continue to do it every day. In six months look back over what you have written and you should see some process towards healing your broken heart. You can also see a professional to help guide you on this journey.

      Remember, you matter.
      Take care and be safe, Mary Francis

  6. Gerri McIntosh
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    I lost my Joe June 13 2020. I found him on the floor in the bathroom. Very sudden. I couldn’t go into that bathroom unless I needed to shower. It is loneliness, I have a hard time looking at pictures of him.Still trying to let go of some of his things, to share with his kids and grandkids. I have a grief therapist, but nobody knows what a widow goes through, but another widow.
    Trying to reach out to other widows was and is still with COVID. He sure picked a hell of a time to leave this world.

    • Mary Francis
      | Reply

      Hi Gerri – the best case is to meet some widows where you live that you can personally get together with. You could also join some grief Zoom classes to talk to other widows.

      I also have “The Sisterhood Of Widows – Private Group For Widows” on Facebook that you can request to join. Currently there is approximately 7,500 widows from around the world.

      Take care and be safe.
      Mary Francis

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