Lonely During the Holidays

Widows are lonely during the holidays and we often feel left out and disconnected.

There’s so much hype about happiness during the holidays that it’s natural to feel the loneliness.  We can’t help feeling that everyone’s having more fun than we are, and in the early times of our grief that may be true.  Accept it for now, because grief over rides everything at the beginning.  But you don’t and shouldn’t accept loneliness during the holidays for the rest of your life.

Reacquaint yourself with your hobbies, because creativity makes us feel vital and alive.

Every loss we don’t acknowledge during the holidays, gathers momentum and intensifies our loneliness.  Find tangible ways to honor their memories, because it will help you to move forward.

Create a community around you that relates to your loneliness and understands your grief.  Focus on others that can’t be with their loved ones over the holidays.  This will help you to feel that your part of a larger community and less alone.

Lasting happiness comes from easing your loneliness, showing others kindness and showing yourself some compassion.

We can all be part of something bigger than ourselves.  Focus on others, nurture something like pets or gardens and our loneliness will not take over our lives.

The secret – become part of something bigger than ourselves.

If it’s too hard to gather everyone on Christmas, consider a new tradition of spending the day after together.  Follow your own rules and rather than stressing over time and consuming rituals, flex your creativity and start some new rituals.

In the end, just being with loved ones or good friends will help lift your spirit.  Will it stop your loneliness? – No.  But it will ease your loneliness so that it doesn’t overtake your life.

7 Responses

  1. Caryl Wenger
    | Reply

    I like reading these, but when using the word your, it’s spelled “you’re” when you mean “you are.” I’ve seen this more than once now. You lose credibility if you write words incorrectly. I was an Administrative Assistant. I just can’t help myself. 🙂

    • Mary Francis
      | Reply

      Thank you Carly. I stand corrected.

  2. deborahusry
    | Reply

    This is all so true. But, I look forward to the day when I can just do what I’d like to do rather than have so many decisions tied to being a grieving widow. I am finding that there are a whole lot of “shoulds” out there in this world. I should go do this (fill in the blank) because I’ll feel better. I should go do that, because getting outside is a good thing. I should get back into my routines like going to the gym or yoga classes. This is the advice I tell myself. And, it’s good advice. But boy, I am finding that my grieving, practical self is very bossy!

    • Mary Francis
      | Reply

      Hi Deb. We all have a hard time finding a balance to life when we are suddenly on our own. Don’t be too hard on your “bossy” self🤗

  3. Susan Hunt
    | Reply

    Thank you for this post Mary. It was just what I needed. My husband Brian died in early September. Since then I’ve packed and sold up everything and moved into our beloved caravan. A week ago I traveled 1600km to northern Western Australia to live with one of our sons. I’ll be spending time with him and his friends, some of whom cannot be with their families for Christmas. I will now have an enjoyable time, remembering, but also being happy with beautiful people. 💕

  4. Diana Roman
    | Reply

    I just stumbled on this article while searching for ways to cope. I am newly widowed, 9 days, and am having a hard time but this article helped a little. Thank you and I am on my way to look for your Facebook group.

    • Mary Francis
      | Reply

      I’m glad you found us🤗

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