Widows Need to Live

Widows need to live, to start appreciating the things which help them stay balanced and keep them from being crushed under the weight of their grief.

One of the great truths of life is that human beings need to have fun.  We need to play and most importantly, we need to laugh.  Widows are human, we have taken a beaten but we are still here.

Yes, life is hard and unfair!  We need to grieve our loss, but in time we need to enjoy life again.  Humor is what helps that to happen.

I spent the first few years of widowhood grieving and then one day I said to myself, “Mary, stop taking everything so seriously”.  I had gotten bogged down with my grief and was at times crossing the line from grief into depression, and that is a dangerous place to be.  So, I realized that I needed a diversion.  One of the best is humor, but like countless others I felt something was missing.

Most of us need someone to remind us to not get blogged down in our grief, to not take life and ourselves too serious.  Grieving is hard and the only way to start healing is to get some laughs along the way.  Play is one of the most effective ways of simplifying life.  It’s what we did as children and too often forget how to do it as adults.

Now, this doesn’t mean that I all of a sudden became a “happy widow”, but I’ve learned to enjoy laughter and I can’t imagine going back to those first few years of widowhood.  It’s important to be able to laugh at ourselves.  Look for comedy and laughter, and you will find it.

I understand if you’re a new widow and have not yet gotten through your grief to this time of healing.  If this is you, let your grief have it’s time and don’t rush it.  When you are ready your broken heart will demand your healing attention.

If necessary, get help with your feelings.  When it comes to grief stress, don’t just block it out.  Blocking it out is not dealing with it.  It is still there, exactly like a song continually playing in the background that never stops.  However it’s described, it’s not nice to be grabbed by grief and shaken around as if you’re in the hands of a big bully.

Be smart and face your stress with support from others.  You may find that there is a solution well worth your attention.  Change is possible, but you need to know what you want to change, why you want it changed and be willing to take action steps to do it.

Use whatever helps you.  The most powerful way to break free of your stress is to have a cool bunch of people around you.  Motivation to change is the key and good friends and family are a brilliant way to get you there.

For some widows, support groups are the best way of dealing with their stress. Some prefer to go to a group session, where they are not the focus of attention.  For others, one on one is what they need and seeing an expert is a good choice for them.

The main thing I want you to know, is that there will come a time when you’re ready to heal your broken heart and start to enjoy living again.

10 Responses

  1. Gracie Sanchez
    | Reply

    My hubby passed 9 months ago and when I am home alone all I do is cry. So when I go visit my kids and family where I grew up, 70 miles from me, I stay for a week or more but then dread that I have to go back home. I got embezzled back in July 2021 and the guy pleaded guilty but all our accts were frozen. I am waiting to see how long it’s going to take to get money back and how much. I want to sell my house and move back home where I am happiest. I miss my hubby so much.

  2. deborahusry
    | Reply

    I am five months out, and need joy in my life. Between cancer and covid I need light. In two weeks I will be adopting a puppy. For me, that pup will bring complication but also joy. This is not my first pet rodeo, so I do know what I’m getting into. I’m excited!

  3. deborah usry
    | Reply

    I am five months out, and need joy in my life. Between cancer and covid I need light. In two weeks I will be adopting a puppy. For me, that pup will bring complication but also joy. This is not my first pet rodeo, so I do know what I’m getting into. I’m excited!

  4. Judith Sedi
    | Reply

    I am a year and a half out so I am in a much better place right now. I still have my 3 children around me and that helps a lot as each one reminds me of him in a positive way. I am at the point now where I do miss having a husband and just someone I can trust to talk to about anything . I use therapy as a consistent coping mechanism as I got depressed along the way and didn’t even know it so therapy helps me to keep it real.Two of my boys got cats to help cope so that has helped us all as a family. I am now looking forward to the future with more positivity and getting to the point where I would love to find someone and remarry. The ‘how ‘ of that looks very difficult but my heart is open.

  5. Charlene Steiner
    | Reply

    I can’t put into the right words to say how much your comments/teachings have helped. It’s pulled me through some extremely dark times. I want to thank you so very much!!!

    • Mary Francis
      | Reply

      I appreciate your kind words Charlene. It helps to know that all my work is worthy of the widows who follow me.

      From one widow to another.

      Thank you, Mary Francis

  6. Connie mcdonald
    | Reply

    Why cant i get out of this depression its been 9 months and instead of moving forward i feel myself going backward i have been off work 6 weeks now i dont want to leave the house we had plans barely 50 and an idea of how to live the rest of our lives and it was just taken away so fast. I cant see a future i keep looking but i dont see it. I want to get out of this so bad but i cant i have tried pills talking to a professional and my family i just cant find my way back. Please someone tell me how to get control again

    • Mary Francis
      | Reply

      First you need to accept your grief and understand that it is a normal part of your journey after your loss. Your expecting too much at 9 months, if you think your broken heart should be healed so fast.

      It a one step at a time and sometimes two steps back journey so please don’t be too hard on yourself.

      You need to talk it out with other widows because it helps to share with those that are in the same place as you are.

      Go to Facebook and do a search for my private group “The Sisterhood of Widows – Private Group for Widows”.

      It has almost 11,000 widows worldwide and is a great community where they support and encourage each other.

      You will need to ask to “join”, answer all the security questions and agree to follow the rules. Your request will then be looked at for approval.

      It’s an emotional journey where one day we are in control and enough day it’s hard just to get out of bed, but you can do this🤗

  7. Lori
    | Reply

    I’m reading all these posts and comments and I too have just lost my husband about 5 weeks ago now, he was 44 yrs old and it was both our third relationship we finally found each other and our love just kept growing and getting stronger each day. We already have blended family, I was by his side for 5 weeks out of the 7 he was in hospital fighting for his life. We both thought he was coming home then after the best day he had that night everything went bad… I ended up having to take him off ventilator his body was failing, I watched him go it was absolutely horrible. I now can’t see the light either as he was my everything. I cry myself to sleep still can’t believe I’ll never talk to him again, kiss him, spend our lives together. Can’t seem to pray anymore as I did so hard for 2 months. Life just really is dark in these days for me.

    • Mary Francis
      | Reply

      I’m sorry Lori that you have to be travelling this grief journey.

Leave a Reply