Widows need to live, to start appreciating the things which help them stay balanced and keep them from being crushed under the weight of their grief.
One of the great truths of life is that human beings need to have fun. We need to play and most importantly, we need to laugh. Widows are human, we have taken a beaten but we are still here.
Yes, life is hard and unfair! We need to grieve our loss, but in time we need to enjoy life again. Humor is what helps that to happen.
I spent the first few years of widowhood grieving and then one day I said to myself, “Mary, stop taking everything so seriously”. I had gotten bogged down with my grief and was at times crossing the line from grief into depression, and that is a dangerous place to be. So, I realized that I needed a diversion. One of the best is humor, but like countless others I felt something was missing.
Most of us need someone to remind us to not get blogged down in our grief, to not take life and ourselves too serious. Grieving is hard and the only way to start healing is to get some laughs along the way. Play is one of the most effective ways of simplifying life. It’s what we did as children and too often forget how to do it as adults.
Now, this doesn’t mean that I all of a sudden became a “happy widow”, but I’ve learned to enjoy laughter and I can’t imagine going back to those first few years of widowhood. It’s important to be able to laugh at ourselves. Look for comedy and laughter, and you will find it.
I understand if you’re a new widow and have not yet gotten through your grief to this time of healing. If this is you, let your grief have it’s time and don’t rush it. When you are ready your broken heart will demand your healing attention.
If necessary, get help with your feelings. When it comes to grief stress, don’t just block it out. Blocking it out is not dealing with it. It is still there, exactly like a song continually playing in the background that never stops. However it’s described, it’s not nice to be grabbed by grief and shaken around as if you’re in the hands of a big bully.
Be smart and face your stress with support from others. You may find that there is a solution well worth your attention. Change is possible, but you need to know what you want to change, why you want it changed and be willing to take action steps to do it.
Use whatever helps you. The most powerful way to break free of your stress is to have a cool bunch of people around you. Motivation to change is the key and good friends and family are a brilliant way to get you there.
For some widows, support groups are the best way of dealing with their stress. Some prefer to go to a group session, where they are not the focus of attention. For others, one on one is what they need and seeing an expert is a good choice for them.
The main thing I want you to know, is that there will come a time when you’re ready to heal your broken heart and start to enjoy living again.