How much do you know and understand about you, “the widow”? I feel duty bound to mention that getting to know yourself is one of life’s most thrilling and worthwhile endeavors. Here are nine questions widows should ask themselves.
Spend some time with these questions and I promise you will discover some interesting things about yourself.
- Do I feel at peace in my home or is it time to consider moving?
- What should I do today that is new for me?
- Do I know where my money is spent?
- Do I have enough fun?
- Do I have enough friends?
- Do I enjoy my own company?
- Am I waiting for my real life to begin?
- Do I let myself feel my feelings?
- Am I ready for whatever comes next?
It is not always easy to live where you might think is best for you. At a later age-79, devastated after losing my husband of 52 years, I sold my home in NY (posssibly a mistake) and moved South into a 55 and over community near where my son lives because if and when I need assistance with health problems, he would not be able to travel to me and I would be close to where he (51 and unmarried).lives. I am miserable in the South and cannot adjust but am lost as to where I would fit in location wise and age wise. Add to that the covid problems and lack of housing, incredible price increases and you have a very complex problem with few answers especially for the elderly. Moving again is difficult and expensive. I have one other son in CA but I cannot afford that location. You have to make your own life because the younger people are very busy working and keeping themselves together.
Answer to #1. My minister strongly advises new widows to not move within a year after the loss of their spouses. He feels (and rightly so) that unless it an absolute necessity, then at least a year in their homes is a must. Reasoning is that the new widow has had probably the most traumatic upheaval in her life and the loss of familiar comforting surroundings is a big plus. Too much change at one time if it can be avoided is vital to the beginning of adjusting to widowhood. I did have a friend who lost her husband, moved within 5 months to a nearby senior citizen very nice complex. But within a couple of months of moving experienced the deepest depression of her life. She said she wished she had not made that move so soon, lost the familiarity of her home, etc.
I agree, losing my husband after 49 years I have moved, bought a new house and am attempting to build a new life. It is exciting but very difficult alone and expensive. My grown children assured me I was not going to be doing this alone. They have helped quite a bit, however they have their own families and are busy.
I’ve been a widow since March of this year, so I’m asking and pondering all of the questions in this email. Hope I can question them soon.
Coming up in a few days the 1st Anniversary of my husband’s death thank you for the questions and thank you so much for the sisterhood.
I just wanted to add information to my comment above (Kate). Two weeks after my husband died, I had an emergency situation with blood pressure. I was in my doctors office and blood pressure indicated either a stroke or heart attack and she called an ambulance and sent me to the hospital and called my son in GA and he had to come to NY. He was nervous and said best to live near him as he could not make the trip to NY regularly if I needed more help. I am now on blood pressure meds. I did not know about staying in the house for a year and if I had, I would have done that. It has been a huge amount of trauma. We have a very small family, Within a three week period, my husband died, my sister-in-law had a stroke, her husband was admitted to a facility for dementia and I had an emergency hospitalization. It was so much for my sons and for me to handle and decisions were made too quickly but that cannot be reversed now.
I am staying put. my husband built the home I am in during covid. I love my home. At first, it was extremely hard because the reminders were overwhelming and frequent. Now I smile more than cry in my home. Besides, my daughter is 15 minutes from me.
My husband passed almost 1 year ago and we were married for 46 years.
I lost my husband just 2 weeks ago. I cannot imagine all that you have been through in that short time. I know your move must be complicating your grief, not just grief for your husband, but now also for the space you shared.
Just wanted to let you know my thoughts are with you. Don’t give up and neither will I!
lori J fankhauser
I lost my husband 11/2 years ago I tried having a roommate but didn’t work out and was told “you are not ready” please tell me what “not ready means”
There is no set “ready time” for life as a widow. If you feel that the time is right then that is what matters. Forget about what others think as they are not walking in your shoes🤗