I believe that “Widow Support Groups” are enormously comforting and helpful if you are talking to other widows who are struggling with the same issues.
Some widows are just not interested in face to face support groups. They prefer to connect online because they feel safer from their own homes. Find out what kind of support groups will work for you and then seek them out.
In the end, it’s really your responsibility to look for grief support – no one can do it for you. Seek out a group that makes you feel comfortable, and that may mean that groups for both men and women may not be for you.
It’s important for widows to understand that their life changes best when they match the changes to what fits their personality. Is it enough to honor each day, seek the beauty around us and do a gratitude journal? No – I wish it was that simple, but grief doesn’t have a simple fix.
We need to share our grief with others, to not only get their support but also to give support. All our relationships shifted when we started our grief journey, not as a couple but as a single person. It is almost as if living is new to us, and we need the support of others that have travelled this path.
I have a public Facebook group, but I also have a private Facebook group called “The Sisterhood of Widows – Private Group for Widows” that is currently over 11,000 widows from around the world. Widows support and encourage each other as they reinvent themselves and heal their broken hearts. It’s a safe place to stop running and face the reality of our new lives; the good, the bad and the ugly.
We need to be gentle with ourselves and accept that we are doing the best we can. At times, we will fall down and need another widow who listens and understands our pain. There is something about us widows, the feelings of desolation and loneliness that most people do not understand. It’s very difficult to describe or explain our grief to those that have not lost their spouse.
Our community has widows from their thirties to eighties and age doesn’t seem to matter. We have widowhood in common and it strengthens our community. I’m constantly impressed that every widow in our community understands the importance of listening, understanding and supporting each other.
We all have a grief journey to share, and everyone recognizes that it heals our broken heart when we feel normal and accepted.
Whatever “Widow Support Group” you choose, online or in person, make sure that you feel accepted and understood. Your feelings matter and you should never start wearing the mask of “I’m okay” so that others are comfortable around you.
Luanne Reilly
Your words are always said at just the perfect time.
Denise Leach
This is so true. I am a widow with no family. Thank you for creating a place I feel I belong and not being all alone.
Carolyn Burby
I just saw this group and have been needing to talk with others about starting over again. I lost my husband and just needed someone to talk with once in a while
Denise Leach
Hi Carol, it’s so hard. I’m here if you need a ear to share
Carolyn Burby
Thank you for the response
Karen Achatz
I am very grateful for you, Mary Francis. I really rely on the Private Facebook group to help me through this new reality. Thank you for your kindness and openness.
Maria saia
Need support. Loss of spouse in September. Limiting support groups by me. I am not alone
Martha Moseler
I lost my husband of 21 years last year April. I have been to a support group but i felt like that wasn’t for me i went 1 time i was invited by a friend who lost his wife. I have also been online with hospice and that was okay.
I do live with 2 of my children but i have days that it jsut isn’t enough.
Beth Finkelstein
Hello, I lost my husband 4 1/2 years ago, (we were married for 30 years), he was killed in a bike accident. I moved two years ago from NYC to be near my daughter in LA, not because I wanted to leave NY. So I am in a new place. I am lost because I don’t know anyone here “in my shoes,” and it is very different than the east coast. I am not on Facebook, and I really don’t want to be. Is there a group or a way to talk with people who have been where I have been without doing it through FB? Thank you:)
Mary Francis
You would have to reach out locally to see what is available. Check with Hospice, Churches, Funeral Homes for grief groups.
Also join local hobbies and try new things. If you don’t like Facebook you could see Google for grieve support and see what comes up.
Lots of great videos on YouTube and audios on podcasts.
Sorry for your loss.
Mary Francis
Beth Finkelstein
Thank you!
I think, since this is less about grief and more about finding friends who have been through loss, I am going to start with joining clubs and pursuing hobbies out of the home.
The new things I have tried have so far been solo! Surfing at 60- which is wonderful , but not social , I knit and so I can try the one knitting group in all of Santa Barbara…
Another flooding storm is coming this weekend, so I have to hunker down. But next week I can investigate. And, thankfully I have a wonderful trip planned in 2 weeks. I would love to find a group here, but churches and funeral homes… I am not religious at all- are these just common locations for meetings? I looked online, everything seems geared towards finding a new love, ( not for me), or are God and Church related healing, ( not for me.)
Outside of the home interests is a great place to start. Thank you!
And I am sorry for YOUR loss…
Diane Burton
My husband passed away March last year and also my daughter (47) passed away unexpectedly two months before. She lived in Cornwall with her partner and two children now (17) and (20) for 14 years and wanted us to move near to her. We didnt want to move to Cornwall because the winter seemed dismal and thought we should stay by my son. I miss my husband very much we had been married for 50years. He had his wish to pass away at home with pancreatic cancer. My son lives in Oldbury and stayed with us for a while. I have joined knitters and natters club and drive to do shopping local. My confidence is very low, Had a cataract operation week ago and havent been out much because worried about infection in eye. Have to force myself to go out. I wont drove on motorways and dont know how I managed to carry on without my husband. Although Christmas I couldnt stay by myself and went on a cruise to barbados with my son. It was change of scenery but felt lost without my husband. It looks as if my life will be empty without my husband. Diane
PATSY ZIELSKE
DIANE I KNOW HOW YOU ARE FEELING. I LOST MY HUSBAND OF 37 YEARS ON NOVERBER 24, 2020 AND THE LONELYNESS NEVER GOES AWAY. I LIVE BY MYSELF AND I CAN’T SEEM TO FIND A FRIEND TO HANG OUT WITH, GO SHOPPING, OUT TO LUNCH OR JUST HANG OUT WITH. I LIVE IN THE SOUTH WHERE THEY ARE REALLY INTO THE FAMILY WEATHER GOOD OR BAD AND HAVE LOTS OF GRANDCHILDREN TO KEEP THEM BUSY. MY DAUGHTER AND HER HUDBAND LIVE IN ANOTHER STATE ABOUT 1000 MILES AWAY. I HAVE MOVED TO THIS NEW AREA A YEAR AGO. I WISH I COULD TELL YOU SOMETHING TO HELP YOU EASE YOUR PAIN BUT THERE ISN’T. I HAD FRIENDS IN CORNWALL YEARS AGO AND I HAVE BEEN THERE. THEIR NAMES WERE BOB AND JUDY NORRIS. THEY LIVED AT TRENWETH FARM . IT IS BEAUITFUL THERE. I ‘LL BE THINKING OF YOU AND HOPE YOU CAN FIND A LITTLE HAPPINESS AND PEACE IN YOUR HEART. PATSY ZIELSKE
Denise Leach
I totally agree. I have no family and live in maryland. The few friends I do have are busy with children and grandchildren. I have not vacationed in 10 yrs, who wants to go alone. It’s such an isolated existence. I did get another dog after our 2 crossed over.
Teddy
I understand. My husband died 2-1/2 years after 50 years of being my only true friend. I don’t want to live without him.
Michele
My husband just passed 5 days ago after 40 years of being together, almost daily. He is my soulmate and I am lost!! I am alone, he was my best friend and only friend that I wanted or needed. I don’t want to live without him either.
PEGGY DEFAZIO
I DONT KNOW WHERE TO START MY HUSBAND PASSED APRIL 2 2024 24 YEARS MARRIED I FEEL SO LOST AND ALONE DAYS ARE VERY LONG WE DID EVERY THING TOGETHER .DAYS I FEEL I DONT KNOW IF IM GOING LEFT OR RIGHT I DONT SLEEP MUCH AND I DONT WANT MEDS.
adiyejane
Hlo Peggy dear, I felt the pain your going thru 7 yrs ago my hubby too passed on leaving me with 3 minors boys I felt lost and didn’t know where to start from, But let me assure you there’s only one person who came into the story and changed everything around for my good and that person is non other than our loving father who came and embressed and bandaged the wound that was in the heart. He’s still the same if u accept him to come and rewrite your story on a clean page remember he said he’s the father to the fatherless and the husbands to the Widows and believe me when u surrender to him he’ll take up the pain. Be comforted in the Lord.