Tough decisions for widows involve a mixture of logic (head) and emotion (heart) and that makes it hard for widows that are already feeling lost.
Most widows are not purely rational because decision making is intrinsically linked to our emotions. Sadly, our emotions can lead us astray while grieving. We need to learn to go more with our intuition.
To increase the odds of reaching a decision we won’t regret, we need to narrow down our choices and accept that in the end, “good enough is often good enough”.
Widows tend to make poorer decisions when they are under a lot of stress. When facing a complex decision, gather the information you need, do all the pros and cons and then step back from it. The idea is to give your unconscious mind some time to process all the information you have given it.
It helps to ask yourself how you feel after each decision you make. Go by your gut and if it doesn’t feel right, take another look at it. The more specific you are about what is upsetting you and why, the clearer you can make your decisions.
Take the time to listen to your reasons for procrastinating. Are there valid reasons to wait before you make that tough decision? Our justifications may have just enough truth in them to trick us. It may help if we start with a few low-risk decisions and gradually move into the tough decisions.
“If you are going to do anything you must expect criticism. But it’s better to be a doer than a critic. The doer moves; the critic stands still, and is passed by.” Bruce Barton, 1932
Some tips to help you with your tough decisions:
- When in doubt, just take the next small step.
- Over prepare, then go with the flow.
- Take several deep breaths, it calms the mind.
- Believe in yourself.
- Try something new that brings you out of your comfort zone. Making that decision will prove to yourself that you can do more than you imagined you could.
One of the most common blocks, to us widows making tough decisions, is the negative stories we tell ourselves. Give yourself a boost by writing down five positive qualities about yourself. That’s the beginning of the new, more confident you, and is just what you need to make the tough decisions.
Mary Francis
Kendra L Valle
This was exactly what my heart needed to hear today. After a pretty poor decision last week, it is comforting to know if I had taken some steps as in the article that may have avoided my situation. Emotions are a good guide but sometimes trick us into vulnerable situations (as though we are not already in one!). So thank you for this.
Tralonda
Thank so much Mary it has been very tough for me. My husband has been dead for almost 3 years and I still miss him. I’m taking one day at a time.
dodoann
Thanks Mary, my husband has been gone 2 years and 1/2. I still second guess my decisions. I ask close friends and family members their thoughts. I continue to miss my husband and hold on to the wonderful memories! This has helped me!
G
As a new widow on 5/2, with a teenage son and daughter, this is so needed! Thank you for sharing! It helps so much in the decision making alone.