Something We Love

Making time to do something we love is a way of honoring and expressing who we are.  We all suffer from grief, but some widows are better than others at making time for the things they love to do.

Wisdom is understanding that when we stop doing things we love, we are actually casting off a part of ourselves.  Not only have we lost our spouse, we have also lost our other sources of joy and we need to find them again.

An important part of our healing is learning to listen for, allow and respond to our own desires and wants.  If you are not sure about what you love to do, begin by asking yourself “What makes me happy?” Ask yourself gently, without judgement.  Sometimes it’s necessary to look back in time, perhaps as far back as childhood, to uncover or rediscover your authentic joys.

What advantages are there from continuing to grieve and not trying to heal your broken heart?  You might not even be aware that you are stuck.  Picture going through a typical day: no illness, addiction, sadness or loneliness.

When you feel free and rested you have more to give to yourself and to others.  It’s when you’re suffering and exhausted that you become unavailable and unattached from the things you love to do.

Designate a time to do something that feels kind and restful.  Take a nap, read a good book, go for a walk, and treat yourself as you would treat your best friend.

When anxiety arises, take a deep breath and focus back to being kind to yourself.  It takes unusual honesty and integrity to meet your own needs when doing so contradicts what your family and friends think you should do.

Free up time to treat yourself with compassion and problems will begin to weaken and some may even disappear.  Don’t fall into the trap of saying that once I do this or that, then I can have some fun.  By not allowing time for fun, we are saying it’s just not as important as the other things we have to do. Recognize that it is important because it enables us to enjoy the life we have been given.  In addition, it has the important side effect of energizing our spirit and helping us to heal.

I want to emphasize that doing something you love is about play, enjoyment and lightness of spirit.  If you think of it that way, finding and doing what gives us joy might be easier than we think.

Mary Francis, The Sisterhood of Widows

  1. Gay Roberts
    | Reply

    When I was younger I loved to walk home from school. It was raining one day coming home for lunch and I sang I’m singing in the rain and it made me happy. I am 70 now but will try walking again. ThankYou for your post.

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