Grief Has No Limits

When our husbands died the question, “What am to do next?” comes to mind.  First thing a widow should do is to just let herself grieve, and understand that grief has no limits.  There is no time schedule and widows should not put any extra demands on themselves.

Let yourself grieve and keep as many options as possible open to you so that they will be available when you’re ready to start the healing part of your journey.

Everyone keeps saying that you will feel better in time, but grief isn’t measured by how much time has passed.

Widows have to do all the things that two people used to do.  We just keep doing everything until we burn out, lose track of our priorities and our time.  It’s important to stop and take a close look at what is really taking up your time.

5 Responses

  1. Patti
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    Gm.. this was the very first blog I found after my husband died. I have always found it so helpful & always comes at the right time! Nick died 21 months ago… so I am approaching 2 yrs now & I find that the second year is a very different grief. I have definitely moved along in my life, I socialize, I laugh & have fun, i no longer cry (just tear up sometimes), but I find that the lonliness is more profound. I know I CAN take care of myself… I just don’t want to. I don’t want to make all the decisions concerning my house.. or my life. I feel like I should have neon signs up that say “ALONE”. When anyone asks how I’m doing.. that’s the one word I want to say. But I don’t.. I just say I’m ok… bc really, EVERYONE has their own problems so I’m not even gonna go there.
    I have an incredible family. My kids, grandkids, sisters all live close to me. The first year they couldn’t do enough for me. The second year they have their own lives! (Which I totally understand- but it still hurts bc I really have to let them live it). I find weekends worse if I have no plan.. (everyone has plans – even my widow friends!) so I always start on Wednesday trying to get together with someone! ( I do meet for lunch/dinner with a group of widows I met at a bereavement group ). I made a decision just recently that I want to be content in my life again.. no more sadness. I’m reading my Bible again & aim to get back to church. I’m trying very hard to just find that peace in my life that I always had with Nick. I’m actually going to Italy with my family next week. (It’s hard to get excited – but I know I just love being with them & I will have a wonderful time).
    It’s still difficult to appreciate all the blessings in my life, when I still feel “ALONE”. I 🙏 for all the widows always.

  2. Denise Leach
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    So true, if only others realized this. Thank you

  3. Denise Leach
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    It’s extra hard as I have no family and friends get busy with their families. Us you no longer get invited to the placez you did when you had your husband to go with you. Widowed 9 yrs now at 67. I through myself into my job fulltime still, cleaning house and got a bcollie puppy to help, but puppies are a challenge. I know when he’s 2yrs old it will be much easier. But I lost 2 dogs after my husband passed, first one to cancer then a few yrs later the second one. I’ve never been without a dog and it helps when o your own. I pray a.lot. cry alot. But know how blessed I was to have my soul mate, some people never experience that. Stay tough ladies. Hang in there and be greatful for your health every day. Excuse the typing errors on this phone

  4. Claycamp Sheri
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    I have to agree with all the statements above, I try to cry a little less….some days a little more. I know how blessed I am, but I still miss Bill everyday!! A few weeks ago was our 40th wedding anniversary and I struggled with it. I should say he’s been gone for 15 yrs and it’s hard for me to get that out of my mouth! I grieve harder at certain times of the year, and I let myself do it…. It feels like the only thing I can take ownership of, cuz I still need help with decision making and doing all the things that two people used to accomplish and now it’s done by one person…. Reading that was huge for me so thank you! Anyway reading all the comments makes me feel less alone…. And someone out there knows how I feel without knowing me. Bless you all!!
    Sheri ❤️

  5. Kristine Wetherell
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    I can definitely relate to all of the comments! I lost my husband 18 months ago to pancreatic cancer, I was 57 he was 65, what we thought was a gallbladder surgery turned into a cancer diagnosis and he was gone in 6 weeks. Weekends are horrible, driving somewhere by myself is constant tears, seeing older couples out doing things. . . . all of it, a constant struggle. I am blessed with my daughters and grandchildren close by but I am always trying to act tough for them because they are grieving as well. I have sisters and friends that always say ‘if you ever want to talk, day or night I am here” but when I even mention my husband’s name they seem uncomfortable and change the subject.
    And it is very nice to know others are feeling as I do and understand.

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