Overwhelmed Widow

When it comes to being an overwhelmed widow, the best way to get back your balance is to quiet yourself down.  If you don’t know what to do next – don’t do anything.  Get still, take a deep breath and admit that you are overwhelmed.

If there is too much going on, you need to unload before you crash out.  Dump all your worries, concerns and unfinished tasks out on paper.  Whatever you need to get out, that’s weighing on your mind, write it out in your personal journal.

Now highlight the three absolute, most important things that you need to take care of.  You don’t need to worry about it, just highlight what they are.  Put everything but your three absolutes aside – either delete, delegate or delay until a later date.

Now circle the one thing of the three that has to be done.  That frees you to focus and take an action step forward.  Your brain will feel so much better and you will feel the lighter load.

If you feel overwhelmed make sure you go back to the simple routines that ground you.  Be still and focus on the things that work to help you be the most grounded widow you can be.

As widows, our biggest weakness is not asking for help.  I bet you are the first one to help a friend or family member, but just can’t get up to asking for help or accepting it when it’s offered to you.

You are grieving and you don’t have the luxury of being isolated right now.  You need help, we all do and the worst thing you can do is keep your needs to yourself.  You may think you have to do it all by yourself, but you don’t.  Call a friend or talk to family about things you need help with.  When you ask for help, you give them a chance to do a good deed.  Remember how good you felt after you helped someone?  Will, now give that feeling to someone else – let them help you.

It also helps to take a close look at your life and see where you can scale back to take some pressure off.  Today I want you to know that I believe in you and your ability to heal.  The most you will ever get is what you ask for – so be bold enough to ask for the help you need.

Mary Francis, The Sisterhood of Widows

9 Responses

  1. ROBIN A CARTER
    | Reply

    Thank you, Mary Francis for sharing this morning. Your words and spirit help so much-Robin widow 1 year three weeks.

  2. Mary Mahlmann
    | Reply

    I’ve been a widow for 5 months. I am getting better about asking for help, even though it goes against my character. I tend to be a do it myself person. It’s just not possible without my dear husband.

  3. deborahusry
    | Reply

    Thank you. I can’t do everything physically or mentally. Even after a year, facing tasks or challenges, that once were outside of my wheelhouse without the moral support of my LH is impossible. I’m taking steps to ask for help and pay for help. What an evolution we are undergoing.

  4. Carole Newsom
    | Reply

    I wish I had this advice a few months ago. It’s been 6+ months and I’m still very overwhelmed, I’ve even hired someone and it’s doesn’t seem to help enough.

  5. Shelley Gibson
    | Reply

    Hello, I just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate your posts. You always have such wise useful information and I just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate it. Thank you for doing what you do

  6. Loren
    | Reply

    I’m relieved I found this site. Was my husband’s round the clock caregiver for 15 years and am isolated. No one to help me. Always did everything for everyone and no support now that I need it.

  7. Denise Boeder
    | Reply

    Thank you for the encouragement.

  8. Sue Fetzer-Bova
    | Reply

    I just found your FB group today which brought me here. I have been a widow for 35 days now. I have always struggled with letting others help me, but delight in helping others. When my husband wound up in the hospital, I decided that it was time to let others give me the help & support that I needed. I would say yes to all offers of help, within reason. It was actually very freeing & I was overwhelmed by the support that was offered and by the number of people who offered it. I will forever be grateful for it.

    • Mary Francis
      | Reply

      Hi Sue I’m glad you found my Blog and I’m sorry for your loss.

      Not sure if you found my Public or Private Facebook group. If it wasn’t the Private group then feel free to request to join as it is for widows only. Currently there are over 12,500 members from around the world.

      Take care, Mary Francis

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