I welcome all the widows who follow me because I know that you are seeking a widow’s peace and with it healing.
The objective of all my work is to help you put the pieces of your life together – the broken heart, the missing relationships and the pieces that are forever lost.
I’m here to help and support you while you grieve. Let me warn you, widowhood is not for the faint of heart. But then, as a widow, you already know this, don’t you?
You and only you can deal with your grief, and you must be willing to understand the shaky ground you’re on. Here are a few tips to get the “widow’s peace” that you are seeking:
- Ask for exactly what you want.
- Tell your true feelings.
- Let others know your expectations.
- State your limitations while grieving.
- Be open to hearing what others want/feel.
- Never please others by denying yourself.
- Forgive others for what they do or don’t do.
- Forgive yourself for the unchangeable past.
Support your inner-self by giving yourself credit for what you have accomplished. Stop criticizing and second guessing what you are feeling.
This week my Donnie has been gone 15 years. Donnie was only 53 when he died and I was 50. The first few years passed in a daze and it took me years to like my own company.
I had to commit to myself that life was still worth living, to take one step towards living daily, weekly and monthly. I eventually wrote the book, “The Sisterhood of Widows” and then years later I wrote “The Handbook for Grievers” and then “Restore-Rebalance-Rejuvenate Workbook” to create your future. They were written by me, from one widow to another widow, to help widows in the healing process so they could know parts of themselves that had been lost.
Please go to my website’s product page to get samples of all three for free. You can also follow along on my YouTube channel of the same name, “The Sisterhood of Widows”. Use a notebook or journal to do some of the work sheets. Your feelings are the keys to healing your broken heart. Whether you are sad, angry, lonely or confused it’s important that you vent to get clarity about what you are feeling. I acknowledge YOU as a widow who is willing to grieve but also to grow.
From one widow to another, I admit grief is complicated and it’s not a simple journey. I hope that you check out all my products on my website (many of them are free) and that they help you process your grief, give you many revelations, the most important one being that you are worthy of a great life.
Valencia Smith
Oh…That is so true
Elizabeth Caven
Thank you Mary, I needed to hear that.
Luanne Reilly
Thank you for caring and your understanding! Your messages are giving me hope when hope is very difficult to find.
lily5922
Thank you for all your inspiration. You’ve been a huge blessing in my time of lost.Thank you for what you do.Much appreciated.
Rhonda Marion Todd
“Forgive yourself for the unchangeable past…”. My LH and I split up 3 times in our 46 year marriage. The last 8 were the best years, unfortunately 5 were filled with his illnesses. Your words are helping me heal. Thank you and God bless you!
Ll
Thank you…. As my situation is similar to yours , a widow young,I am finding great help with you. My prayers are with you.
Patti
I look so forward to your messages, and they always come at the right time. October 28 will be 2 years since my husband Nick died. I’m finding the second year tougher than the first. But very different. First year I just woke up sad every single day, no purpose, no motivation. Now I find I don’t have that dreaded feeling of just getting out of bed, & I don’t cry often (I still have my down days.. but not like I did). In this second year I find myself just feeling ALONE (and I’m rarely alone!) Every decision I make is alone. Although I have plenty of friends & family around, I’m still alone.
(Not lonely… but alone?) I am very active & I try always to have a plan each day. (Although I sometimes make a plan & decide I don’t really want to go). I set goals for myself.. like emptying out my house room by room in case I do decide to sell.. again a decision ALONE.
I do travel with my family. This summer we went to Italy & I actually got to see my cousins.. it was a fun vacation.. but still, my kids are married, the other grandparents came.. everyone in couples.. in ROME… except me.
But I’m glad I went. (I almost backed out).
Well.. it’s just an ongoing journey. Every morning I thank God for my blessings & ask him to guide me. That’s all I can do! I do pray for ALL widows, no one else can know this life.
❤️ Patti
Stella
May Donnie continue to rest in peace. Thank you Mary Francis for being our hero, our strength and a great mentor and an amazing travel buddy on this journey of widowhood. I am blessed to have found you whilst battling to cope with grief and embracing a new normal 🤗❤️🙏🏽!
deborahusry
Patti, you articulated my feelings exactly. Is my best life over? My life is “fine,” but it doesn’t even remotely compare to my married life. I am alone surrounded by well-meaning people.
Karla Hughes
Hi,
I am glad to know that I am not the only one with these feelings.. I am in my second year also and like you finding it difficult.
I always feel ALONE too. I have a great family and go to work everyday but struggle to find anything that fills the void of my husband. We were very close and did everything together. I miss being able to actually talk with someone about my day or about the grandchildren.
I appreciate reading all of the posts and it is comforting to know that people do understand.
It still feels uncomfortable sometimes talking with other people about struggling day to day.
Pray everyday for guidance too! God has a plan for us. You are right nobody understand this life till you have to go through it.
Karla
Carol
Hello Debora, I really liked your reply because it lets me know that I am not alone in the world. In other words, there are other people who are feeling and going through the same issues that I am currently going through. I just wanted to share an experience that happened to me recently. I had a roommate move in who had no where to go. I thought that I was helping her. Unfortunately, she thought that I needed to find someone else to replace my husband. I have been a widow for seven years. She was bringing strange men over to my house to try to seduce me because she thought that I needed to “get laid”. Also, she disrupted my life by telling the personal details of my life at my workplace. Also, on top of everything else, she was not paying rent, not cleaning up after herself, and drinking at my apartment constantly. I had to ask her to leave and it caused a problem in my workplace. The moral of this story is that you need to be careful who you let into your life. Remember that not everyone is your friend and sometimes people see you as being weak and vulnerable. People will try to project what they think you need sometimes. Only you can say what you need in life. To this day, I still love my husband very much and do not want to remarry. I am happy with having friends, family, work, and school in my life right now. I tried dating several times and found it to be difficult and stressful. Most men think that I am looking to get remarried. However, right now I just want to have friends, both male and female, who want to be a part of my life. I am not interested in committing to a relationship at this time. It is important to set up boundaries for your friends and family in your life. You need to make them understand that you are capable of making your own decisions. You should not let anyone bully or pressure you into doing something that you do not want to do. I just wanted to share my personal experience with you. Not everyone understands what it is like to lose a spouse. It is the hardest thing that you will ever experience in your lifetime. Anyway, I hope that you have a great night. Carol
Carol
Hello Karla, I just read your post about the way that you are feeling about your life. I totally understand that life can be difficult for a widowed female. My life was similar to yours in that my husband and I did everything together. He was in my every thought everyday. Most people do not comprehend the lose until you have gone through it yourself. I wake up every morning and have to remind myself that Lou is gone. It is like watching the movie, Groundhog Day. No matter what I do the ending is always the same. The people may be different, but I cannot allow myself to change the ending. Perhaps the truth is that I do not want to have a different ending. The love that I felt for my husband was so strong that perhaps there will never be another person who can replace him. I think that these are the feelings that you are experiencing. I believe that God watches over all of us and helps us to find our way in our own time. Personally, I know that you really cannot understand the loneliness until you have experienced it yourself. Death is final, cruel, dark, and unfortunately a part of life. I wish you well. The best thing that you can do is to wake up every morning with an open heart and mind that the day will bring good things into your life. This is the mindset that I try to have everyday. Best wishes. Carol .
Carol
Hello everyone; I hope that you are doing well today. I had an epiphany the other day. I was sitting watching television with my cats and realized that nobody is ever really alone. One example of this is the fact that you can facetime anyone at any time. I know that someone is always doing worse than I am and may be in a more difficult financial situation. After being a widow for seven years, I realize that people judge you for what they see and not what you are. I have built walls around me to protect myself from people who could potentially hurt me. Unfortunately, there are many people out there who are willing to either take advantage of a widow emotionally or financially. It is essential to be aware of these types of individuals. For example, it could be people looking to befriend you and use you for your money. The other scenario could be men trying to have sex with you because you are a widow. Please be aware that these people are out there and may try to worm their way into your life. Also, the mayhem that you leave behind is something that you will have to clean up yourself. All widows must choose their friends carefully because if they do not, the consequences could be worse. Every person deserves respect and privacy. Please make sure to protect yourself from these types of people. Anyway, I just thought I would share my words of wisdom with you. You are not alone in this world. I get through my day thinking about all the people who love and care about me. Have a great day. Carol
Di
My husband passed away 11 years ago. The first few years were like a blur to me also. I have a question for you. Does anyone else feel more relaxed and at peace late in the day? For me, it feels like my husband is closer to me at that time of day. Am I crazy?
Nancy
Di
My husband passed away 5 years ago. I am more at peace by evening. I have succeeded in another day and he would be proud of me.
Diane
Nancy, I feel better knowing that I am not alone in this.
Caryl
I’ve been a widow now for three years. I’m struggling with finding some sort of peace. I’m still always shaky in the mornings, but calmer in the evenings. This is my third Christmas without him, and this past week has been tough. I still don’t know who I am without him. He was my best friend & love of my life. I still can’t believe he’s gone. He made my life worth living. I wouldn’t give you two cents for it now. I wish we’d gone together
Mary
My husband passed away 5 months ago (Oct,2023). We were married 43 yrs. Seeing as how long you all are going through the grieving process, I find comfort in knowing that my struggles are normal and I don’t need to feel rushed in moving forward with my life. I feel lost without him and hate that he’s never coming back.
Meredith
My husband passed away 8 years ago and being an elderly widow each day is worse for me, particularly from 5:00 pm-really have never read anything that makes me feel less lonely.
Hazel
I lost my husband at the end of October this year, 2024. We had known each other for 51 years and married for 48 years. The grief is so raw at the moment but I understand it should get easier with time.
I’m still grieving for our son who died, aged 42, in October 2022 and for my mum who died last October 2023.
Each day is a lesson in survival. Mornings and evenings are the worst.
I would really like to wipe October off the calendar.
Sandra
Hazel, I’m sorry for your losses. I lost my husband at the end of October as well. We were together for 41 years. I cry every day since he passed. I wake to an empty side of the bed, I miss him tremendously and can barely get out of bed sometimes days. We have no children, but family has been checking on me each day. I know it’ll never be the same. I wish I could wake up from this nightmare, only to know it’s reality…