No Regrets

In the dark, long days of grief, it’s natural to spend time internally focused, looking back over our lives.  We should learn from our past, grow from our decisions, have no regrets, and come to a place of greater wisdom and clarity.

But sometimes regret takes over and it affects our moods and health.  I’m convinced that regret prevents us from grieving and healing.  It keeps us stuck in the past and destroys our peace of mind.

The key to controlling regret is to learn from it and then let it go.  Use positive rationalization to minimize negative feelings over regrettable actions.

Yes, we need our grief time, but we cannot heal by seeking it in a past we cannot change or a future we have little control over.  Healing can be found only in the present moment.  Healing of our broken hearts comes when we accept our life – what it was, is and will be.

That doesn’t mean widows forget their past or don’t make plans for the future.  The place of power, is the time between both past and future – your present moment.

I think that there will always be some regrets, but I’ve learned to say “It is what it is” and accept it. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could rewind our lives and change the things we regret? Are there any stories of regrets out there and if so how did you handle them? By sharing our stories we can help each other to grieve and heal.

4 Responses

  1. Elizabeth Caven
    | Reply

    Thank you Mary, my biggest regret was that neither of us were able to talk about his dying in his final days. We were married 56 years and my husband was not one to talk about feelings. We knew how much he loved us but he was not one to express it. Anyway, I still regret not expressing what I was feeling in his final days.

  2. Kristine Wetherell
    | Reply

    I have regrets from the night my husband passed. . .why did I tell him he had to wait before I could give him more pain medicine? What did it matter? I should have given him all he wanted. Why did I not figure out how to drain his stomach without a new “kit”? It alleviated his pain so much, but no I was worried about giving him an infection. . . like that would be worse than his cancer??? Why did I not tell him everything I wanted. . . I thought we had more time, the doctors said 6 months or less when we left the hospital, it was 6 days. . . So many regrets. . .

  3. Tammy
    | Reply

    I have a long history of longing, regret, guilt, sadness and depression. I am trying hard to learn how not to feel the way i feel. There is starting to be a little light opening up between the shadows. I am almost at the 10 month mark. I am pushing through the hard things and giving myself softness and quiet time. I will get through this!

  4. Ann
    | Reply

    I regret every time i left the house to do something on my own, pretending that life was normal, when i could have spent those extra minutes and hours by his side – I thought we had months to maybe years and didn’t realize- I regret that my last words to him were not – I love you

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