What to do with our husband’s stuff is conflicting and just plan difficult when we are still grieving.
After about four years I finally cleaned out the storage shed at the cottage. There stood Donnie’s golf clubs and chain saw – they had remained where he had put them years ago.
It isn’t like I was ever going to use either his clubs or his chain saw, but it was still hard to let them go. I was ready, but it still felt like Donnie was slowly disappearing with everything of his that I give away.
Donnie loved golfing with his best friend, Bobby, and so it felt right to give Bobby his golf clubs. I gave the chain saw to my Uncle Wayne and ten years later he used it to cut down a tree at the cottage. So much better than letting Donnie’s stuff rust away unused in the shed.
Another item was Donnie’s John Deer lawn tractor. Donnie had just gotten it three months before he suddenly died and he loved sitting on it as he mowed the lawn. But it seemed that every time I used it, it need to be boosted. Finally after two years I brought a new battery for it. It started like a charm and I wondered why I waited so long. I think that I just didn’t want to change anything, I wanted to keep it just the way it was when Donnie last used it.
Donnie loved that John Deere tractor but it was crazy to not replace the faulty battery. Sometimes there is no logic in our thinking when it comes to our husband’s stuff.
Some things, like his clothes, I was able to donate the first year but other items took years to give away. My mind told me it was time, but I couldn’t do it tell my heart let me.
We mustn’t allow anyone to minimize the importance of our emotions. Acknowledge your feelings by saying, “I respect my grief and the importance of what I’m going through”. It will be easier to educate family and friends once you accept your own grief journey.
Mary Francis, The Sisterhood of Widows