You don’t need to forgive others for their benefit – you need to forgive for yourself. It will free you from the negative energy that “un-forgiveness” costs you.
Sometimes forgiveness isn’t for others, but for yourself. If you hurt someone than apologize by acknowledging what happened. Understand that when grieving, we are not ourselves and so don’t be too hard on yourself.
- Is my negative self-talk hurting my self-esteem?
- Do I believe that I deserve to be happy?
- Am I settling for less because of fear?
When grieving, life is messy and our emotions are all over the place. If not careful we can become very bitter, angry and touchy about things that normally we would let pass.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean that we condone what happened, but we need forgiveness for our own peace of mind. Widows need to pick and choose a smaller circle of people that they can really share their life with. We are responsible for who we share our space and time with.
Forgiveness is so important because without it the seed of anger and bitterness will grow within us. Yes, people will say hurtful or thoughtless things, but they just don’t understand how sensitive and emotionally unbalanced we are. In return, we also may say things that we would never have said if we weren’t grieving.
I’m passing on “The Four Promises of Forgiveness” by Ken Sande, The Peacemaker.
- I will no longer dwell on this incident.
- I will not bring up this incident again or use it against you.
- I will not talk to others about this incident.
- I will not allow this incident to stand between us or hinder our relationship.
In the end forgiveness is not forgetting, but about letting it go so you can move forward. You have only so much positive energy when grieving, so where do you want to spend it?
So many widows want to change how they feel, but they don’t know how. The fastest way to change how you feel about anything is to change what you are focusing on.
Mary Francis, The Sisterhood of Widows.
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