Listened as Widows

I have listened as widows tell me that the “fun” side of them has virtually disappeared.

It seems that along their way, while grieving and facing the responsibilities of being single, they have lost sight of having fun – just when they needed it most. Doing something you love is what truly nurtures and heals us.

Of course, healing involves being “response-able”, that is being able to response to our own needs.

As women we are socialized to attend to our husbands and children’s needs. It is a great thing and can be deeply meaningful and gratifying to us personally. But these women could become widows that stay in a pattern of focusing on the needs of others and they lose the capacity to play, to do things just for fun.

When we do something simply for enjoyment, it replenishes us and refills our feelings of self worth. We are rejuvenated because when doing something we really love, we are drawn into enjoying the “present moment”.

Doing something for fun focuses attention in the here and now so without having to try hard we get a mental break from our grief.

It gives us some freedom from grief so we can bring forth creativity while encouraging our learning and imagination. When we become widows, it’s typical to give up these things – activities that we enjoyed doing just for the love of it.

Start out with one hour a week, giving yourself the gift of doing something you love. That one hour a week will help pull you out of the dark, gray fog of widowhood.

Without having something you love to do somewhere in your schedule, you run the risk of living your life as one long, burdensome list of duties to be done. Don’t let that happen to you – this is your life so don’t just endure it, love it.

Mary Francis, The Sisterhood of Widows

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