Widows don’t need unsolicited advice. Please pass this on to friends and family – don’t tell widows what they should and shouldn’t do. Don’t give her unsolicited advice or make harsh judgements about what she does do.
Widows can be super sensitive so be careful about what you say. If she wants your advice, she will probably ask for it. A widow doesn’t need to be told that others have it worse than her or that she isn’t the only one with problems. She knows that, but she is having enough trouble getting rebalanced and telling her otherwise doesn’t make her feel any better.
Don’t say, “Your blessed because …. ” Yes, it’s true having older children to help is great, and insurance money, his pension, etc. are all blessings. But a widow doesn’t feel very lucky and may resent being told to be grateful. She will come to this on her own, in her own time, but first she needs to grieve.
Widows especially don’t need unsolicited advice about selling or keeping their homes. I’ve heard of ladies being approached during their husband’s terminal illness. Please, even the heartless wait a while before they ask a widow to give up one more thing.
We widows are disoriented and for much longer than you realize we go through the motions of normality and seem to be making out okay, but we are only half there. Many call this “widows fog” and although we may need support and encouragement, we don’t need unsolicited advice.
Widows need your support and sympathy for months, even years. Say you’re sorry for their loss, and be there to listen to all their concerns, and if THEY ask for your advice be ready to give it in a supportive and encouraging way.
Mary Francis, The Sisterhood of Widows
#thesisterhoodofwidows, #widow, #grief, #griefsupport
Caryl Wenger
This is absolutely true. I’m into the third year, and I STILL feel the grief & fogginess. Hard to believe I’ll ever feel happy again.
Denise Leach
So absolutley true! On spot! Thank you! I had 10 people trying to buy his car just after funeral. I never sold it to anyone. I drove it alternating with mine and 10 yrs later traded both in on 1 new one.
Sheila anderson
Great advice
Thank you
Jan
Yes, ihave wonderful neighbors, but they can’t help themselves when they speak to me after their condolence they say R u going to stay? And to let them know before I give the house to a real estate as they may have someone interested. It really bothers me, but I let it go,
Annetta Gay Roberts
Love this! You’re so right. I had one friend that told me I needed to put my daughter in a home because of her disability. I never ask for any advice that hurt me. Our son wanted me to relocate. I stayed where I’m at. My home is small and I have an attached garage which works well for my daughter in a wheel chair. I was given other advice which I weighed but didn’t take and am so glad I didn’t.
Mary
I received 10 offers to buy my house after my husband died. I think they troll the death records of counties to locate possible sales. I wasn’t very polite to them. MY HOUSE IS NOT FOR SALE @&$%?+*!!!!!! Bunch of vultures. I don’t get a lot of unsolicited advice, I am a former Army NCO, very independent, and I don’t take guff from anyone. I am not as fine as I put forth, but the only people who know that are my sisters and a few close friends. It’s funny, it used to drive my husband crazy when I would respond “I’m fine.” I’m not yet, but I will be. It’s only been 18 months since he passed, and I am getting used to being without him, I watch a lot of YouTube videos to learn how to do some “boy things” he used to take care of. I fixed my bathroom sink, program the thermostat, and I am going to put new innards in the toilet. I have two bathrooms, and if it takes me a couple of days to do it, fine!!!! Be brave. Be strong. Be well. We’ll get through this ladies. XOX
916-296-3861
The first anniversary of my husband’s death is coming up. I have received multiple offers to buy my home also. I am not ready to sell. I have received the whole gamut of advice from people who may mean well. I just let it roll off my back and am reliving post traumatic stress events that I hadn’t processed since his passing. I am blessed with a solid group of friends and an amazing grief counselor. Not sure how this anniversary will be for me as I feel it pressing in on me even weeks before, but I am determined to survive this and to continue to grow from my experiences. Thank you for your ongoing advice
Wendy Horton
Thank you for putting a name to this feeling of being in a fog. My husband just passed away on Valentine’s Day of this year and I haven’t been right since that day.
Kelly
My husband passed 3 months ago and I have cousins coming out of the wood work telling me to sell my husband’s vehicles and what I should be doing with my autistic son. These are people who have never been in my life before. I don’t need all this right now. Thank you for writing this!
Sarah
We received unsolicited advice from a cousin three days after my dad funeral saying we should sell the house and move. The cousin offended family never apologized and in fact we had to “thank her for advice” and apologize. She has always given advice where it’s not wanted. Hurt a grieving widow. She never even called mum on dad’s birthday or even mom on her. Talk about helpful.