Why Me

“Why me?” could be the first question a widow asks when grief strikes.  At a loss to understand what’s happening, we ask, “Why did this happening to me?” and “How can I get better?”

When we succumb to grief, our overwhelming instinct may be to seek a medical cure, relief of the physical symptoms and lack of sleep that are holding us down.  We want a quick escape from our grief, but we could be just numbing our pain and so silencing our inner voice that is trying to help us.

Don’t be scared of your grief, but instead listen to your intuition.  Loading up with medication that masks your memories and emotions, will also numb you to the point that you will be unable to see the warning signals that let you know that something is wrong with your life.

Simply drugging the symptoms of grief is not only ineffective, but counterproductive.  We need to ask the hard questions and talk about what is upsetting us.  With emotional support we will begin to work it out.

If your broken heart wants to get your attention it will use poor health and disease to get your attention.  Anxiety is a fear of everything and has more to do with your thoughts then your feelings.  Many studies have shown that unresolved grief, anxiety and depression are related to specific cancers.  Your sleep is disturbed, appetite changes, stress increases and your body functions change in many significant ways.

We need to acknowledge how our emotions affect our health.  Widows who hide anger, sadness and their grief behind a mask of “I’m okay” have shown in medical studies to have a higher incidence of breast cancer.  When we are under stress our brains release the hormone cortisol (stress).  Elevated levels of cortisol are known it change the behavior of certain organs and rev up our immune system dangerously.

One way or another, when traumatic emotions or memories live in us and we fail to voice them, they will find ways to express themselves through our health.

By accepting that grief happens to everyone and not just you, you can stop asking yourself “why me?”  By educating yourself about the link between your grief and disease, your intuition will empower you.  The insight you gain will not only help you mentally, but also physically.  Use your intuition to help you plan a better journey for your life and build a healthier, more balanced life into the future.

It’s important that widows don’t succumb completely to feelings of “Why Me?”.  Please acknowledge the grief and pain of widowhood, and also that you don’t always have to show a happy face while you seek a new balance in your life.

Mary Francis, The Sisterhood of Widows

#thesisterhoodofwidows, #widow, #grief, #griefsupport, #widowsupport, #howtogrieve. #widowshelpingwidows

8 Responses

  1. Abigail Arredondo
    | Reply

    This makes such sense. The only thing I question is y hat I already suffer from I m anxiety, major depressive disorder, bipolar disorder for more than 25 yrs. So this loss has made it worse. I was a lready taking medication. Any way just a comment.

  2. Heather Ales
    | Reply

    After losing my husband of 18 years I was diagnosed with a hormone linked (non-genetic) breast cancer within 4 months. I definitely believe how we handle our own personal griefs affects our health in the long run.

  3. Luanne Reilly
    | Reply

    Such true words. I used to never get sick or have aches and pains, but the last two years not so. Diagnosed with skin cancer in my face, requiring two surgeries, two rounds of Covid and the flu in spite of multiple vaccines. My grief and depression make my immune system go down. I’ve been working on fighting the depression with self talk and exercise, making myself get out more.

  4. Kimberly L Bomboy
    | Reply

    Thank you so much for todays article. I look forward every day for your article to be in my e-mail. I am on medication, but take half of what im prescribed, because I know I have to feel all the feelings that go along with grieving. I have a wonderful support system of Widows, so I can voice my feelings. God bless you!

  5. Iris Lincoln
    | Reply

    I have a friend who recently became a widower. I feel this article will help him also. Please address this work to both widows and widower.

    • Mary Francis
      | Reply

      This site is called “The Sisterhood of Widows”.

  6. Sharon Mack
    | Reply

    New to this group and journey
    Recently lost my husband of 48 years due to cardiac arrest. I was in his arms. It’s been 3 months but it feels like yesterday. Worse now since the shock has worn off. Knowing there are others that really understand is somewhat helpful. Never imagined being sad everyday. I have 8 wonderful supportive children and 19 grandchildren but I feel so alone and lonely.

    • Mary Francis
      | Reply

      I’m sorry Sharon for your loss. I have a private Facebook group for just women that are widowed. Currently it is over 15,500 members that support and encourage each other. It may help you with your loneliness.

      “The Sisterhood of Widows –
      Private Group of Widows”

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