One Day at a Time

The best advice I was given as a widow was to take “one day at a time”.  What helped me to do that was my journal.  As soon as I wrote down my day, I was able to forget it.  My journal gave me permission to make room for what really mattered.

Here is what matters: looking back in your journal by 5, 10 or more years ago, is like reading about someone else’s life.  Some of your entries will be miniature stories of what your thoughts were, the long-forgotten details that were so very important at that time in your life.

You may feel that your grief will never soften and you will never be happy again.  But going back five years will bring back events that have faded.  The details you had written are precious because they transport you to a forgotten time, to a forgotten self.

Journals recall a forgotten time not to make us sad but to help us see just how far we have come.  Reading old journals recall not simply what our days were like but who we once were.

The most effective way to take, “one day at a time” is to write it down, to get your thoughts on paper.  Write out your feelings and remember you don’t have to be logic, accurate or even nice.  It’s important only that you are being fully honest with yourselves.

1. Write out your assumptions about the day’s events.
2. What about the people you saw today?
3. What are you honestly feeling about your day?
4. If there were problems, what part did you play in it and what steps did you take to fix it?
5. Confront your fears, share, blame, anger and grief. Facing our life takes courage.
6. Finish these sentences: I think…  I believe…   I can do…

Please try to focus on, “one day at a time”.  We widows can be easily distracted and can be overwhelmed when thinking of past regrets or a future on our own.  We need to rewrite our story and to do that we have to be brave enough to deal with our emotions, one day at a time.

Mary Francis, The Sisterhood of Widows

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