Understand Your Moods

Many widows believe that their bad moods result from factors outside their control.  You need to understand your moods, and although they are influenced by external events, but that doesn’t mean they are beyond your control.

Why do widows have different reactions to the loss of their husbands?  It’s because of the different way they “think” about grief.

If someone says, “You’re strong, you can do this”, one widow will think, “Yes, I can”, while another may feel annoyed, thinking “You don’t know anything”.  That’s what I mean about your thoughts creating your moods, and why you need to understand your moods and how they affect the way you respond to others.

How do you feel?  Do you feel guilty and inadequate and then wonder why you are moody?  Draw into your self-esteem and try to understand what someone else says, thinks and feels.  By changing your thoughts about a situation, you can have some control over your moods.

When you have a chance please do a search on a new approach called, “Cognitive Behavior Therapy”.  It’s based on the fact that if you learn to change the way you think, the way you behave, and the way you feel , you will be also be able to change and understand your moods.  Widows need to understand their moods and that is no easy task when grieving.  Cognitive therapy is an excellent treatment for mood issues, such as anxiety, panic attacks, anger and guilt.

We all have our share of shortcomings, dark moments, self-doubt and moodiness.  We just need to understand these experiences so we can grow from them.

Truthfully there will be times when anger is healthy and even appropriate.  But there will also be times when how you’re thinking, and your moods and anger, are just not valid.  If you let your emotions get blown out of proportion, the situation gets distorted and real problems become harder to resolve.

Think of a time when one of your moods was one of “anxiety”.  Try to identify your negative thoughts:

  • What was your self-talk?
  • What were you thinking about?
  • Who was around you?
  • Are you thinking it’s an “all or nothing” situation?

I don’t believe that we should try to be happy all the time, or be in “total” control of our moods.  That is a perfectionistic trap and just isn’t realistic.

There are times when negative feelings are healthy and appropriate, and grieving is one of those times.  Learning when to accept grief and how to cope with its realistically negative journey is just as important as knowing when it’s time to move forward towards healing.  This is where it’s important to understand your moods, both positive and negative.

Mary Francis, The Sisterhood of Widows

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