You can’t “Be You” if deep inside you are afraid or ashamed of who you are. I’m not talking about embarrassed because of something you’ve done, but about your past.
Guilt is a feeling you have about something you did or did not do. It manifests itself as a constant feeling of uneasiness and a never ending internal whisper of, “I’m not good enough”. It shows in the way you feel about yourself, relate to others and view new experiences.
Widowhood brings out all our insecurities, so it’s important to find the balance between feeling our emotions and letting our emotions over take us.
You know what? Sometimes you can do everything right, but things can still go wrong. You must stop taking responsibility for everything that does go wrong. I understand that you are hurting, lonely and afraid, but don’t let it stop you from “being you”. Don’t try to put on a “mask” for others, just be real. Be brave enough to let the real you step up and show itself.
You’re a wonderful person, and if you have lost your way, allow me to reintroduce you to yourself. You need to meet the “real” you because you have been lost in widowhood. Grief may have stolen your identity, but you can recreate “yourself”.
If we don’t deal with our negative emotions, we will lose who we are and we will find ourselves with all kinds of problems; mentally, physically and spiritually.
Try to remember that if we feel guilty and fearful long enough it will lead us to develop a root of bitterness. If we allow ourselves to remain that way, it will drain us and physically affect our health. If you block yourself from “being you” the rotten roots of negatively will result not only in unhappiness, but also depression.
Please examine every aspect of your heart to find what you fear. Don’t deny, cover it up or try to hide it. If you can’t “Be You” than its time to ask yourself:
- What do I want?
- Why am I feeling guilty?
- Why am I so angry?
- Why do I fear change?
- Why am I so insecure?
We may manage to ignore our problems by making excuses or blaming others, but eventually we need to want to be ourselves enough to do the required work.
Facing ourselves and taking responsibility for our attitudes, and actions or lack of actions is the most difficult thing we can do, but it is a necessary part to healing our broken hearts and learning to “Be You”.
Mary Francis, The Sisterhood of Widows
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