Rebuilding Your Life – Grief becomes part of our lives when we lose a loved one and part of healing is picking up the pieces. Our grief often includes despair, disappointment, hopelessness and loneliness. We need time to mourn what we lost – a future planned that is forever gone with our loved one.
It is important to give grief the time it needs, to awaken parts of ourselves so that we can approach our future with hope rather than fear.
In the real world you don’t go from being married to widowhood to a fulfilled independent person in a few months. It can take two years or more to just come out of the fog. It’s normal to be off balanced for a while, so let grief have it’s time.
If you’re a recent widow you’re hurting. Acknowledge that you’re hurting – it’s natural and healthy, even okay to grieve. Our pain tells us that we need this time to heal. If you are unable to acknowledge your feelings and wear the mask of “I’m okay”, than you may have a hard time adjusting to the changes coming your way. We must understand that “what we feel, we can heal”, so don’t hide your feelings.
Stay out of the “if only” mind game, because the past cannot be changed. However, when you’re in shock that advice goes in one ear and out the other. Nothing changes when grief is fresh because the emotional pain is too intense.
The better your feelings of self-worth, the easier it will be for you to rebuild your life. The best thing to do is honor your past while investing in your friendships and personal growth. I sincerely believe that in the early days/weeks/months and maybe years, you need friends and family not only for support, but also to help you rebuild your life.
Sadly it’s a “single” life, but as my mother always said “It is what it is” and as we heal we come to understand just how true that message is.
To Our Shared Journey,
Mary Francis is a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist®
Certified Law of Attraction Facilitator,
Early Intervention Field Traumatology (EIFT)
Author/Founder of “The Sisterhood of Widows”
Kathy
I don’t have family or friends.
Linda
My family are in the UK, my husbands family in another state. We had not been in our new retirement home for long when Covid and then cancer came ..friends I had made, moved on. Finding it difficult to make new friends, ladies I like are married and busy with spouses/partners ….
Forever Changed
My husband also. Vivid then cancer only 54. We were only married for 8 months when we learned. Then 22 months I devoted every cell of my body to the love of my life. We tried to plan for the end the best we could. But you can never prepare. Blessings to all cancer victims and families. I try to focus on our wedding night. Christmas Eve. It snowed. I talk to him constantly. I am fulfilled. I know I am alone. Yet I am not empty. I am proud of what I was able to help him with