What are your last wishes? Don’t assume that everyone will know what you want. Making your last wishes known is a meaningful conversation, but we often keep putting it off.
It’s dangerous to put this off because it’s impossible to predict when we will take our final breath. This would also be a perfect time to discuss critically important things that have so far been left unsaid. These conversations will be easier if done while we are still healthy.
Nowever, if we are terminal and our end is near it’s reassuring if our loved ones understand and let us talk about our last wishes. It’s time for us to express, ‘Please forgive me …’, or ‘I love you’ or ‘Thank you for … or ‘I forgive you for …’
If we want to talk about our impending death, please let us. Don’t correct or argue with us as we express anxiety over our last wishes.
We often want to be reassured that our loved ones will be okay after our death. This is where we may ask directly about certain relationships or express a desire to see someone we’ve been in conflict with.
We may say what we need to say many times and in many different ways. We don’t want to have regrets when our final time comes. If for some reason we end up in a coma, our loved ones should keep talking even if they are not sure we can hear them. Hearing is the last sense to leave so please assume that anyone who is unconscious or unresponsive can still hear you.
Over the years I’ve learned that sometimes people wait till their loved ones are out of the room before they pass. If they have expressed their last wishes they are at peace and want to spare their loved ones from watching them take their last breath.
There is no single “right” way to talk to our loved ones about our approaching death. To make our last wishes known we need to have privacy and time to talk. Let us express our feelings, even if it’s hard to listen to.
In turn, talk about your own grief, feelings, memories and let them know that they are loved. Our loved ones may seem to accept our terminal diagnosis, but then act as if nothing is changing. We need them to come to terms with our death in their own way.
Though the loss of my husband I came to see that life is short and that every stage needs to be enjoyed when possible. For every moment of pain there is part of me that wants to rise up and shout, ‘come on life, bring it on’. What really matters are the people that love me and loving them right back, because I just never know… what tomorrow will bring.
To Our Shared Journey,
Mary Francis is a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist®, Certified Law of Attraction Facilitator, Early Intervention Field Traumatology (EIFT) and Author/Founder of “The Sisterhood of Widows”
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