Living behind a mask – Do you feel that the true you is hidden, even from yourself? Are you hoping to break through the sense of living behind a mask of “I’m okay”? Widows grieve with a feeling of emptiness and a falseness that is connected to living behind a mask.
Grieving is acknowledging a whole set of feelings that are often pushed away because we find them too painful. For the sake of others we learn to disguise what we are feeling, and in doing so we sacrifice our authenticity.
There will always be frustration or disappointments in relationships. But when a widow is too needy, depressed, lonely, unhappy, and insecure; our friends just don’t know what to say or do. A widow often wants to make her friends more comfortable and so instinctively she put her friend’s needs ahead of her own. Creating a false front to manage a “friends demands”, means you start living behind a mask to keep the friendship at all costs. And the costs are high, something wonderful is lost when your natural emotions are suppressed.
The capacity to express yourself has been pushed back and getting rid of your mask provokes a lot of anxiety, but your voice needs to be heard.
Unmask yourself by seeking some solitude to open up your mind to a future that you are actively creating. Break up your routine, structure is a place to hide so change your daily habits. And when you make things fresh, it will alert you to the joy of the present moment.
You need to understand that you don’t have to be accomplishing something every minute of the day. We widows need to be comfortable with enjoying our choices as we freely express ourselves. Life is about opening doors, not closing them. It’s about the ability to forgive, even if we don’t forget. Talking out our feelings is better than living behind a mask.
The reality is that our life does go on after the death of our loved one. Please have the courage and awareness to live and love openly, both mentally and physically.
To Our Shared Journey,
Mary Francis is a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist®, Certified Law of Attraction Facilitator, Early Intervention Field Traumatology (EIFT) and Author/Founder of “The Sisterhood of Widows”
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