When your loved one dies, to say that your life will change is the greatest of all understatements. Your life will be torn apart; mentally, physically, financially and spiritually.
Immediately after their death, don’t let anyone rush you into making quick decisions. Your mind isn’t thinking clearly for big decisions and those decisions could create problems for you down the road. You may even want to postpone any major decisions, such as selling the family home, for the first year as your decisions may be driven by emotions and not clear thought.
There will be all kinds of well-meaning people with advice on what you should or shouldn’t do. They mean to help, so smile and listen but understand that they may not know your financial situation. You are responsible for yourself and your young children, so dig in and learn as much as possible before you pass your life over to someone else or before making decisions without careful planning. You may be talked down to or not taken seriously, but stand your ground and you will grow as a person who has taken charge of their life.
Just because your outer world is chaotic doesn’t mean that your inner world has to be. You are capable of rising above the turmoil. Be aware of your thoughts, “I can’t do this” or “I’m not good enough”. They are untruths, because you can do what needs to be done. Organize and prioritize by making a daily list of things to do so you don’t get overwhelmed.
One of the most important life skills is to not merely accept our situation in life, but to embrace it – to live through it and yet not let it take your spirit away. Boy, is that a mouthful because there is no way a griever is going to embrace being a griever. Perhaps instead of saying “embrace” a better word would be to “accept”.
It’s a misconception that we should be happy all the time. Our goal shouldn’t be to always be happy/positive, but to manage our emotions and find a balance between our grief and our positive feelings. The reality is that life does go on after your loved one dies. Please have the courage and awareness to live and love, both mentally and physically.
To Our Shared Journey,
Mary Francis is a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist®, Certified Law of Attraction Facilitator, Early Intervention Field Traumatology (EIFT) and Author/Founder of “The Sisterhood of Widows”
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