Bad days – we all have them. One day everything is fine and the next everything looks grey and sad. The good news is that pain, while soul-crushing, is manageable. My bad days are fewer as the years go on, but they are still part of my own journey.
Discouraging feelings keep you thinking about what you can’t do instead of what you can do. They can stop you from doing anything except feeling sorry for yourself. But sometimes we just need to be sad and to be listened to – a hug wouldn’t hurt either. You can’t make it better because “it is what it is”. We can’t fix everything and sometimes life just isn’t fair.
Time Magazine says that it can take an average of 5-8 years to get your balance back after the loss of a loved one. It’s hard to be on your own when there is an empty hole in your heart but life does go on, although it will be forever different than planned.
Go ahead, acknowledge that you’re hurting. It’s natural, expected and even healthy to feel the pain so you can eventually heal.
To Our Shared Journey
Mary Francis is a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist®, Certified Law of Attraction Facilitator Early Intervention Field Traumatology (EIFT) and Author/Founder of “The Sisterhood of Widows”
Stella Ngcobo
Dear Mary Francis,
Thank for this post. It’s been 7 year since I lost my husband. I am told that the 7th year signifies completion but what I have experienced this year has been more than the usual number of hard teary days. I started asking myself if this thing called grief was ever going to end. After reading today’s post I feel somewhat prepared.
Thank you for your wisdom and for everything you have shared to help us widows wade the choppy waters of widowhood.
Stay blessed!
mary samuels
I’m into my 3rd year of widowhood. Sunday the 13th would have been our 45th anniversary, he would bring me coffee and wake me up and say “good morning beautiful, I’d marry you all over again.” I can go for days or weeks feeling steady, but some trigger out of the blue will have me puddling up and very, very sad. Grief never ends, at least for me it doesn’t. Yes a hug would help, but the only hug I want is from my Gary. I was kissed and hugged and told I was loved numerous times a day, and I miss him so much. I miss sleeping wrapped up like puppies, I miss sex, I miss being stupid in love, I miss holding hands walking through a mall, I miss the way the bathroom smelled of Irish Spring and Old Spice after he showered, I miss him loving anything I cooked, even if it was just a toasted cheese sandwich and tomato soup. I am slowly putting my life back together, but struggle everyday when I wake up and the house is silent, he’s not making coffee, letting the dogs out, and he’s not kicking back in his recliner. There is no one else for me. A friend wrote in a sympathy card, “I pray for you a peaceful heart.” So I pray for all of you a peaceful heart. XOX