When our friends make a mistake or say something they shouldn’t please don’t give up on them. A widow’s true friends will always be there for her, even when they don’t really understand her grief. A landmark Harvard Study found the number one predictor of happiness is our “relationships”. Be careful because if you are down on yourself you may pull away from your true friends, become isolated and even more lonely.
Nervous anticipation fluttered through me when I socialized the first year after Donnie’s death. I remember one particular evening out with some friends and their husbands. It was my first couple time with them but without Donnie, and I worried that I would be the odd person out.
I went anyway and the evening wasn’t half as bad as I had thought it would be. We sat together as a group with no empty chairs and to an outsider you wouldn’t have known what man went with what woman – it was just a group of friends.
I’ve learned to handle special outings, but I still struggle with the everyday details of life, such as eating by myself or travelling on my own. Doing the everyday stuff makes me feel lonely. Does it get easier? Like most widows, I have asked myself this question many times in those first few years of widowhood. Things definitely changed for me, so the answer is “Yes” and “No”.
As a widow most of my fears never came about – my true friends stayed faithful. At the time I was hurt by those friends that did slip away but in hindsight they weren’t a widow’s true friends. What I did learn was that the best qualities of a true friend have nothing to do with age, religion or social standing.
A true friend is someone you can trust and confide in. Someone who believes in you. Someone who cares about you as you care about them. They are our cheerleaders and I’m forever thankful for my true friends.
To Our Shared Journey,
Mary Francis is a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist®, Certified Law of Attraction Facilitator, Early Intervention Field Traumatology (EIFT) and Author/Founder of “The Sisterhood of Widows”
Banke Anselm
Thanks Mary, its been a long eight years journey for me. It still seems like yesterday, truly, there friends that makes the journey easier and others who don’t care. I have many fears and no one to talk to I am so afraid of what the future holds for me and the kids. I hope and pray that just like yours my fears will never come about. You are a blessing.