As widow’s holidays make us want to run away and hide. Often the last thing we want to do is connect with others.
If you are going to a get-together where you are going to see someone with whom you have a strained relationship, take a moment to reinforce the days when you were closer. Bring those positive memories to mind. It doesn’t mean that the relationship will go back to those days, it just helps calm you when you meet up with them again.
Seeing relatives for the first time in years? Open the conversations with positive things. Ask them “What’s the best thing that’s happened since we last saw each other?” and “What are you looking forward to doing next?” Make an effort to connect with others on a positive note.
Show you are interested in them by getting beyond the small talk. Invite them to talk by caring, by telling them that you’re interested in them. I know the holidays are hard for you, but it opens up understanding when you show compassion and empathy for what others are also going through.
Do you feel tension between you and a relative/friend? Consider just putting it out there, “I’m feeling tension between us and I’d like to figure this out – is this something we can talk about?” If not, then move forward without them as you have done the best you could. Don’t dwell on it, don’t talk about it – just let it go and move forward.
It’s important to know when it’s okay not to talk. Be clear about your expectations when trying to connect with others. If you don’t want to talk about your late spouse then make a call ahead of the get-together and let the host know to pass the word around.
Holidays are not perfect in the best of times, but sometimes they do provide an opportunity to connect with others and perhaps even to heal old wounds.
However, sometimes you just don’t want any part of the season and that includes spending time with others. Don’t feel guilty and if that’s how you feel then skip what you can and don’t worry about socializing this season if you’re just not up to it.
To Our Shared Journey,
Mary Francis is a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist®, Certified Law of Attraction Facilitator, Early Intervention Field Traumatology (EIFT) and Author/Founder of “The Sisterhood of Widows”
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