Not Ready For Christmas

Widows dread the holidays and often put off what they think needs to be done.  They then feel that they are not ready for Christmas and as the days pass they get even more stressed.

Make it easy to get last minute gifts by getting gift cards or by heading to your local drug store – they often have steep savings, as much as 75% the last week before Christmas.

Not ready for Christmas decorating?  Nothing makes your home feel more beautiful as fast as scented candles.  How about holiday teal towels for the kitchen and hand towels for the bathroom? These dollar store items are a quick and beautiful Christmas touch.

Don’t let the holidays overwhelm you. Pause and take a few deep breaths.  Acknowledge your emotions because once they are out there, you can begin to address them.  Instead of trying to check off everything on your list, ask yourself what is an easy task you can do that matches your energy level at that moment.  As a widow we think that we can handle our grief and still do holidays as in the past.  But holidays are not as they were and we need to schedule “down time” for some rest and “time out” for our mental health.

This may be the year for others to take on some of the tasks you did with your husband.  After all, when others help you can focus on what really matters to you.  Instead of thinking it’s your job to create a magical holiday, ask yourself what it would be like to create magic “with” them.  This simple reframe gives you permission to ask for help, delegating a few responsibilities so that the holidays are not only easier for you, it’s more special for everyone.

So what if you are not ready for Christmas.  Give yourself permission to do things different this year.  Look at December through the lens of what “you” want to do instead of what you think you should be doing.  Allowing yourself to see all the different possibilities will help put an end to your anxieties.

The holidays blend joy and grief in equal measure and that’s okay.  Allow time for all your emotions and try to lean towards joy by creating a new holiday ritual.  Tell stories of your loved one or cook their favorite recipe.

Embrace Christmas by feeling it all without getting swept away with the stress of not getting everything done as well as in the past.  Example:  No time or too exhausted to bake your kids favorite Christmas cookies.  Give yourself permission to buy cookies.  Letting go of doing more, leaves you with the energy you need for the people you care about.

To Our Shared Journey,                                                                                      

Mary Francis is a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist®,  Certified Law of Attraction Facilitator,  Early Intervention Field Traumatology (EIFT) and Author/Founder of “The Sisterhood of Widows”