No Longer a Couple Home

It was a couple home, but now it’s just your home. It may be hard to get your head around this, but your home only has to please one person and that’s you.

Look beyond the dated colours and outdated fixtures, and don’t be afraid of what it will take to freshen up your home. I recommend that you do one room at a time and make it totally to your taste.

 

To Our Shared Journey,                                                                                      

Mary Francis is a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist®,  Certified Law of Attraction Facilitator,  Early Intervention Field Traumatology (EIFT) and Author/Founder of “The Sisterhood of Widows”

 

 

8 Responses

  1. Michelle Powell
    | Reply

    I have done so much work on our/my house. I am grateful to see your words. I say that very thing to myself- It’s my little house now…I think he would be amazed. It pleases me. I’m proud of it but appalled simultaneously. Greif is so complicated.

  2. Tracy Beam
    | Reply

    This was just what I needed. My husband past away before Christmas. Instead of visiting with family all I wanted to do was stay home and be alone. So I rearranged the the house. Ironically, I did the first thing my husband said I would do once he was gone. Relocated the DVD’s that I felt was cluttering the LR and it wasn’t even on purpose. I wanted to restore the living space to be able to see the tree which he decorated while in the LR and open it back up to the way is was but larger. Afterwards I felt bad for doing so but it looked great. Less clutter and more inviting. Last week would have been his 60th Birthday and I felt a little more guilty that I moved his clothes to the spare bedroom. However I go to the man cave and get overwhelmed. So much I got for him and so much was left by my grandfather.

    • Jennifer Seamans Johnson
      | Reply

      Tracy , You are super raw . Do not push it when you are in the mancave! Take it at your own pace!
      My prayers to you ,and for you, Jennifer

  3. mary samuels
    | Reply

    I’m going on 3.5 years widowed. Slowly I am making our house my nest again. I have been paralyzed by grief, loss, and depression. I got new silverware, same pattern but only for me now. I’ve replaced a lot of my pots and pans, and bakeware. I’ve also sent a lot of household items to goodwill that I won’t ever use again. I had to replace my refrigerator and microwave, not on purpose, cause they died. I have taken all of his clothes to a men’s shelter, donated all his books about aviation, and cars, and mechanics. I’m starting in the living room, he spent the last 10 years of his life in his recliner, it’s trashed and the carpet looks like a theater after the movie is over. I was working full time and I just let everything go. So I am going to tear out the carpet, get rid of the recliners, paint and get new furniture. Then I’ll start on the rest of the house. And I don’t even know what to do with the garage. Every tool you can think of he had. As they say “a journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.” Be brave. Be strong. Be well. XOX

    • Kelly
      | Reply

      I too want to update things, I was thinking last week to get some silverware I like, I have a fork (its my favorite fork) I think I’ll search for that pattern! Best of luck I’ve lost all want to do anything, I work full-time and that’s about it.

      • mary samuels
        | Reply

        Go for it Kelly! The only thing I kept from my silverware was a fork stamped U.S. NAVY. It had been in my family for years and I took it when we cleared out my mom’s house. It has taken me awhile to get motivated to do anything. My baby sister kicking my behind has helped (she’s very bossy), being put on an anti-depressant, taking vitamin D, and a short walk every other day or so, have been helpful for me. It’s very easy for me to do nothing but read all day, but I am starting to get back doing my crafts and other hobbies I enjoyed. Do things at your own pace and be good to yourself. XOX

    • Jennifer Seamans Johnson
      | Reply

      Yes, Getting rid of stuff IS PAINFUL ! My husband”s dialysis blanket I keep’
      and his writings that he did and threw away (Thank goodness I retrieved them and saved
      them while he was alive , they are sooooo precious to me ) I had to move from our apt.,
      the rent skyrocketed -no mercy on any tenant in the apt. building! My big sister(bossy too!)
      took me in ,I have a room I rent from her .I have built up a widow support network (These
      ladies are in their eighties ) they have tons of ailments and faithfully took care of their husbands .
      It will be two years he has been gone after 30 years of marriage . Walking and working with special needs kids reading about the resurrection hope and sharing it with others .A MASSIVE DIORIENTING CHANGE!!!!!
      For all of you ladies, it is one foot in front of the other . Attend to your grief and get lots of rest !
      Yes ,the anxiety kicks into high gear and it feels like it will not go away .Knitting and patting animals helps .
      Ipray for you all,

      • mary samuels
        | Reply

        It has been very hard for me to get rid of his things. But you have to make yourself do it. One of the worst was seeing my taxes “signed as surviving spouse.” Removing his name from our bank account and getting new checks with just my name on them. Removing his name from our mortgage. It felt like I was erasing him. I still have his deodorant. I miss when the bathroom was all steamy and smelled like Irish Spring and Old Spice after he showered. I will always love and miss him, he was the only one for me. :'(

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