Facts about Grief – “There are days I think I am going crazy!” This comment is often heard from a widow grieving the loss of her loved one. Part of the reason for feeling this way is because most of us are unfamiliar with what a grieving widow can expect to feel.
Sadness – This will be one of the saddest times of your life. You may feel overwhelmed at times. You may be afraid you will never laugh again.
Loneliness – Perhaps you have never been this lonely before. Evenings and weekends may be the most difficult for you.
Anger – Perhaps you are angry at the doctors, at God or at family and friends for not supporting you like you thought they would. You may even be angry at the person who died for leaving you!
Confusion – Grief is one of the prime causes of stress. You may experience some confusion, memory loss and inability to concentrate. This is temporary and you are not “losing your mind.”
Guilty – Almost everyone finds something to feel guilty about after someone has died. It is normal to feel guilty about things you wish you had said or done. Feelings of guilt may be justified. Most often they aren’t. Most of us do the best we can with our lives.
Lost – The death of the one you loved often involves the death of your dreams and the loss of your future as you thought it would be. You may feel completely lost. This feeling is often accompanied by intense anxiety over what the future holds.
Relief – If the death has followed a long illness, you are probably relieved it is finally all over. This is quite normal and there is no need to feel guilty about this.
Thankful – Perhaps you are a person for whom this death was truly “a blessing”. It’s OK to feel this way and to be genuinely thankful for the person who died and for the time you had together. Gratitude and thankfulness are great healers.
These facts about grief are what we call normal or healthy symptoms of grief. Besides these facts about grief I advise you to look for connections to help you grieve. Don’t feel pressured to always come up with new ideas from scratch. Instead, look for ways of combining two or more familiar things into something you would be interested in trying. Example: dancing and exercise.
To Our Shared Journey,
Mary Francis is a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist®, Certified Law of Attraction Facilitator, Early Intervention Field Traumatology (EIFT) and Author/Founder of “The Sisterhood of Widows”
Mary Harrington
Question: My husband of 60 years died 2 yr. ago. I grieved, moved near my daughter, and she helped me awhile. I’ve lived here in TN for 5 months; she is now too busy for me. I got upset with her 2 weeks ago because I am so lonely, and she is still mad at me, although I apologized. I feel that my loneliness and moving here is normal. What can I do now? Pretty much alone, but I did go to a Senior center today feel less lonely.
Mary Francis
We can’t count on anyone to ease our loneliness, especially our children.
It is up to us to make a new life for ourselves. Going to a Senior Center is a good beginning.
Jennifer Seamans Johnson
Mary Francis ,Thank you !
Mary Harrington
What bothers me is that my family seems to feel it is enough that they are there if I have an emergency.
I moved to be near them, but they are always “busy” or “tired”. Very lonely now.