The First Year

What to Expect the First Year – It doesn’t matter if the death is sudden or after a long illness, it is still hard to be emotionally prepared. Take a close look at the emotions listed and understand that you may feel some or all of them.

Sadness – You may feel such a deep sadness that you never want to laugh again.

Confusion – You feel like you are losing your mind but confusion, memory loss and the inability to concentrate are caused by stress and are usually temporary.

Anger – It’s common to be angry with others and even with the person who has died. Death probably ended your dreams and the future as you had planned it.

Relief – If there was a long illness, you are probably mentally and physically worn out. You are relieved it is finally over and they are no longer suffering. This is normal so don’t feel guilty.

Loneliness – You may have the “empty nest” experience and it is difficult.

Disorientation – This happens because the map of your life has changed. Not only do you not know where you are going, you probably don’t want to go there.

Transformative – You will change, your values may change and you will see life from a new and different perspective.

Don’t Waste the Pain – “Don’t waste the pain” is a profound insight that pain was not given to cause total misery, but to learn from it, and so let it motivate you to action.  History shows us that great strengths are discovered in the depths of pain, not in the midst of joy.

I was widowed at the age of 50 and as the years go by I often long to feel like my younger self, to turn back the clock to when I was still married.  But I’m not that woman anymore, I’ve changed and continue to change in all aspects: physically, mentally and spiritually.

For widows, every step in the first year is a struggle.  It is going to be harder some days than others, but on any given day our heart gives us what it can and we just have to do the best we can.  Use what you have to offer yourself up to the challenge of being a widow.

To Our Shared Journey,                                                                                      

Mary Francis is a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist®,  Certified Law of Attraction Facilitator,  Early Intervention Field Traumatology (EIFT) and Author/Founder of “The Sisterhood of Widows”

2 Responses

  1. Sheila Kenny
    | Reply

    I appreciate your emails. I am experiencing what you write about. Loneliness is the hardest part, since I am in my 80s and we were together for 35 years (second marriage but first ended in divorce. That husband passed too, 3 years ago. ) I am struggling now with travel issues. My late husband and I traveled a lot and I want to return to our favorite spots, but not alone, and it is hard to find friends to travel with me. This is my current challenge. I would appreciate knowing other widows experiences with this.

    • mary samuels
      | Reply

      I have seen travel groups for older women. goaheadtours.com Travel solo, Not Alone. roadscholar.org Solo travel trips for senior women. I have no connection with any of these organizations, nor do I work for them. These are just a few groups I have seen on the internet. You could check with a local travel agent, do they still have travel agents? If you are a member of AARP or Triple AAA, look into what they have to offer. Good luck.

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