Are you a senior widow? You may have been independent in your marriage, but the finality of their death can still overwhelm you. You can’t listen to the music you both enjoyed together and meals out are just unbearable without them. At this time you just don’t know what or how to get on with whatever time you have left. You have lived to an age where many friends, neighbors and family members have already died. Your children, if you have any, are grown up and don’t live at home anymore.
The worst thing may be coming into that dark and empty house that was once a happy home. You may have come to accept their death, but life just doesn’t hold any appeal and at your age, it’s too much work to change your ways.
Does all this sum up how you feel?
It’s not uncommon for senior widows to visit the gravesites every day and talk to their loved one about their day as if they were still there. Eventually you will find other activities for your time, but right now if you feel at peace visiting the gravesite, then don’t let anyone discourage you.
Experts says that it can sometimes take months for a senior widow to understand that their loved one is really gone. Are you having trouble making decisions? I agree that you should weigh your options before making a decision, but too much pondering can leave you exhausted. Don’t get paralyzed by seeking endless advice. Instead trust your intellect and instinct while you gather information and then make your decision.
You are never too old to enjoy family and friends. Talk about the good times you shared with your loved one. Reconnect with people from your past and activities that you used to enjoy doing.
Lots of senior widows volunteer a couple of hours at their local church, hospice, hospital, soup kitchen and that’s just a small list of where you can make a difference. Join a group, you are not the only person going through this and talking to others can help.
Many senior widows let their grieving go on by not facing the issues and working on them. Like most of life, ignoring it will not make it better. They think that they have to be strong because they are older, but grief has to be acknowledged no matter what age you are.
You should schedule a physical exam to rule out other medical conditions that can have similar symptoms like depression. You are loved and until your last breathe you can still make a difference in someone else’s life.
Nothing will heal you faster than thinking of others and doing something outside of the house. My age doesn’t impact how I feel about anything or anyone. As the years go by I’m more in touch with appreciating what I do have. Each day gives me another chance to get it right, to forgive, to be kind and most important of all to appreciate God and the mystery of Life.
To Our Shared Journey,
Mary Francis is a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist®, Certified Law of Attraction Facilitator, Early Intervention Field Traumatology (EIFT) and Author/Founder of “The Sisterhood of Widows”
Kathy
I agree that it is rewarding to volunteer and help others if we can but I think it is also time to focus on ourselves and rediscover who we are and what we want from life at this age. Many of us have cared for husbands and children for a good part of our lives and have set aside our desires or aspirations. I know Mary Francis agrees that we count and should pursue what brings us happiness. After a long marriage and a lot of giving to others, it is easy to lose a sense of self, personality and desires and we have a small window now to rediscover ourselves and what we would like to do with our remaining time. If not now,when?
Jeannette
I find these messages very comforting. It is now 3 yrs since my husband’s passing.
Sharon
Three years for me too. My problem is I sometimes feel even more alone when I am with family. They have their private language as couples often do and it leaves me feeling like an outsider looking in. Missing that level of connection. Feeling like I just don’t fit.
Ellen
My 87 year old husband died in March of this year. It was a second marriage for both of us and we both had kids and grandkids from our first marriages. I am 75 years old and spent the last 8 years of our marriage caring for him with multiple cancers, dementia, and general frailty. Now I am alone and don’t know what to do with myself. I felt burdened caring for him and now I am overwhelmed with grief and a sense of nothingness. I defined myself as his caretaker, and feel too old to build a new life for myself. I feel truly lost.
Mary Francis
We all go through life defining ourselves to our lives – single, married, caregiver and widow.
Another one is “senior” to reflect our retirement years.
They say 75 is the new 65 and I believe that. We are never too old unless we decide that we are.
Personally I hope to be learning new things and meeting new people well into my nineties. The only thing in your way is your mindset.
Start doing some Google research on productive seniors and see what they are doing. We are never too old, but we do get lost and have to dig ourselves out.
Debra Taylor
Im new at this horrific grief. My husband passed away 2 months ago, suddenly. I learned recently that he had stopped his blood pressure medicine. I didn’t know this. He said he didn’t feel well but told me not to call 911. I feel such incredible guilt over this that I can’t move on. My doctor changed my antidepressant and I had a manic attack. He is checking to see if my synthroid dose is too high. I have lost 15 lbs. so I may need a lower dose. I pray that this can be fixed. That’s all I need right now. Im having shakes, tremors, pounding heartbeat. I have never felt so hopelessness all my life. I just sont to live anymore.
Mary Francis
It helps to have the support of widows that understand your journey. I have a private Facebook group “The Sisterhood of Widows – Private Group For Widows”. It has approximately 20,000 widows from
Around the world. Free group with No men and no businesses allowed. Go to Facebook and search group name, then “Request” to join. Make sure to answer all security questions and agree to follow the group rules.
Lori Gutenberg
I just found this site and believe it will be a valuable resource for me. My husband, Arlan, died 6 months ago after a yearlong valiant, courageous battle with lung cancer. I knew he was dying, but what I didn’t consider was the profound impact losing him would have on me. I cry, no… I wail every day. He was 76 years old but up until his diagnosis was a very vital man. We enjoyed traveling, particularly cruising. I didn’t really comprehend how much it mattered that he was just here. We could be on opposite sides of the house, but it was always so comforting, so reassuring to know that he was just there. If I left the house, I loved coming home and saying, “Honey I’m home!” If either of us was away from each other for. more than a day, we’d call 2-3x times a day just to say, “I love you, I miss you, how was your day?” I know I have glorified him in my thoughts and when I talk about him, but that doesn’t mean our marriage didn’t have its ups and downs. Our words cut deep at times. But we always tried to make up for the trying times. I have regrets and the guilt is sometimes overwhelming. I have a wonderful family, but they have their own busy lives, and they can’t understand what has happened to the happy, youthful person I was. Who needs to be around that. I try to put on a good front. Then I might hear someone say, “Oh she is doing quite well, really” and I literally want to die. I’m lonely but I get very anxious when I think about leaving the house. I just want to curl up with our little dog and wait to die. Selfish and self-centered? When I realize I have nothing to offer anymore, I look at death as more of a relief for me and everybody. I HAVE REASSURED EVERYONE THAT I WOULD NEVER TAKE MY OWN LIFE. But it doesn’t stop me from thinking about the blessed relief that would come if I could just fall asleep and keep sleeping. Can one die from a broken heart? The anguish and pain are soul-crushing. I’ve gone on long enough. Thank you for allowing me to share. Lori