Widows Often Over-React

Widows often over-react when grieving, then look back on it later and realize it wasn’t a big enough of an issue to justify how they reacted.  We have a lot on our plate so tiny tensions that build up can create major anxiety.

Be easy on yourself – your broken heart is trying to heal.  Be sure to not judge your emotional response too harshly.

Try “mindfulness” practices like breathing deeply or placing a hand on your heart to reduce the intensity of your emotions.  A memory of being ignored or demeaned, a hurt from the past, makes us feel unimportant or powerless.  If we recognize the hurt of our past, we can control it in the present.

One of the most effect skills to develop is to give yourself thirty minutes to respond.  We want to immediately deal with the situation, but that’s rarely helpful.  Instead give yourself time to pause, time to manage your emotions and rationally decide how to handle it.

So many things are changing for a widow.  Maybe widows often over-react, but it means a lot if others would point out things we do right and stop being overly critical of what actions we have made.

Sometimes, we widows simply misinterpret a situation.  Ask for clarity on what your friend/family said.  They may even apologize when they understand what they said was received in a way they didn’t mean.

Ask yourself these three questions:

• What can I change?
• Am I unknowingly adding to this stress?
• Is this relationship worth my energy?

One thing you can change is the boundaries in your relationships.  Set limits using the DEAR strategy:

D – Describe the situation

E – Express your feelings

A – Assert your boundaries

R – Reinforce what happens next

Having healthy boundaries curbs resentment and helps widows that often over-react.  Just being open to some subtle, small changes to boundaries and you may be surprised at how they yield major results.

To Our Shared Journey,                                                                                      

Mary Francis is a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist®,  Certified Law of Attraction Facilitator,  Early Intervention Field Traumatology (EIFT) and Author/Founder of “The Sisterhood of Widows”