Grief at Work

Widows try to establish boundaries between their grief at work and at home. For some work provides a sense of community, but some aren’t as fortunate.  Work can provide support and they gain a sense of well-being, but for others their grief at work may upset some people.

Colleagues may want to do the right thing but are not sure what to say or do.  Meanwhile, Mangers may not know how to handle your grief at work because for them the work must still get done.

The most obvious effects of grief are on our emotions.  Fear, anger, relief, numbness, guilt, loneliness and the list goes on.  Emotions we struggle to understand and grief at work just adds to our anxiety.  While we wade through our grief, we must also cope with the world of work.

Our life is forever changed and yet work hasn’t slowed down or adjusted for us.  It may be hard to see others enjoying life and still with their husbands.  I know I found it especially hard to keep quiet when a woman I worked with complained about her husband.  But to be fair I was that woman when I had my Donnie, I didn’t understand or value our time together.

It’s a no win situation as it hurts if no one mentions your loss and it hurts when they do.  It’s easy to see why grieving widows find that others can’t relate to them.  Widows have to work their jobs, but they also have the responsibility to themselves to process their grief their own way.  It can’t be put aside or ignored.  Grief is hard work and we often feel lonely and misunderstood.

• Decide how much you want to tell your supervisor.  It’s okay to be private and ask that only the office knows.
• Ask about the company’s bereavement leave policy.  See what is available if you need more time at home.  Not to say that you are going to take it, but you should know your options.
• Expect that emotions will come out of nowhere.  Ask if there is a private place you can go if you need a few moments alone.
• If you are overwhelmed a work, ask if they can shift some of your workload for a short time or if you can go part time/casual for a few months.
• Is there a Human Resource Manager that can suggest resources and respect your confidentiality?  Find out what the company can do for you.
• Expect that the people you work with won’t always say the right thing (if there is even a right thing to say).  Accept that they just can’t get it if they have never lost their spouse.
• Prepare yourself – what information and details do you want others to know or not know?  Do you want to talk about your loss or be left alone?  What are your needs for private time?

To Our Shared Journey,                                                                                      

Mary Francis is a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist®, Certified Law of Attraction Facilitator, Early Intervention Field Traumatology (EIFT) and Author/Founder of “The Sisterhood of Widows”