Advice Widows Have Found Helpful

You will be feeling a considerable amount of emotional pain and it’s normal not to want to be around others in the initial months following their death. While we are grieving we are not our usual selves and you may not feel inclined to put your grief on hold to be around others.

Others may react the other way and need or want to be with others all the time. They want to get lost in the crowd and not have to deal with their loss. For them, social situations offer a welcome respite from their grief.

1. Learn all you can about grief. The library has a number of books and videos you will find helpful.

2. Give yourself permission to grieve, to feel the pain and to accept the reality of loss.

3. Be patient with the process. It takes a long time. In many areas of our lives we expect immediate results. Grief is different. Take time and be patient with yourself.

4. Get plenty of rest. Your body needs it while recovering from emotional stress.

5. Treat yourself occasionally – you’re worth it! Things that add beauty to your life will comfort and encourage you. Activities like massage therapy or yoga can work wonders.

6. Find people with whom you can share your loss. Many newly bereaved people find a great deal of support and encouragement from bereavement support groups.

7. Take time to reflect on and reassess your life. What did you gain from their love? How is this experience changing you? The greatest tribute you can pay your loved one is that you experience personal growth from the relationship you had with them.

8. Draw on the resources of your faith. Let whatever helps you make sense out of life sustain you. The journey through grief is a spiritual one. Allow your spirituality to become a focus of your life. Let the words and music of your spirituality speak to you and give you courage and hope for your journey.

11 Responses

  1. Kim
    | Reply

    I recently lost my husband from a rare syndrome. It was such a shock. I’m 63. We just retired a year ago, and now I’m so alone. So intensely sad. He died on Father’s Day. June 17th.

    • Mary Francis
      | Reply

      I’m so very sorry Kim for your loss. It just isn’t fair to lose our loved ones and be faced with our retirement years without them. It’s early day in your grief but you are not alone. All of us widows understand your pain and this site is here to support you along this journey. Please take advantage of all the free resources and links as they offer support, tips and advice to help you. My first three guides are free as downloads so don’t hesitate to get them and the closed Facebook page for “The Sisterhood of Widows – Closed Group” is a great place to have private conversations with other widows. There is also a Forum on the website for widows and a resource page. Again, I’m sorry for your loss. Mary Francis

    • Mary Francis
      | Reply

      Dear Kim. I do very sorry about the loss of your husband. It’s so hard to make any sense of why they died and how to live on without them, but please never give up. Please go online to my website and get the free guides and all the other resources as they will help you get rebalanced. Take care. Mary Francis

  2. Heather teniteni
    | Reply

    Hi Kim.. my husband died too,, suddenly.. from a rare disease..Granulomatosis with polyangiitis.I was 53 when he died..that is two and half years ago. I miss him every day and I dream about him a lot.It gets better with time.. but I still miss him and will always. I have some joy in my life now.. I bike to work daily and I enjoy that. My work makes me feel normal. I enjoy nature and my garden and my family and friends and I treat myself often.He would want me to be happy and look after myself, so thats what I`m doing.

  3. Deb
    | Reply

    Hi I just lost my husband May 14th. He died after a 17 month battle with stage 4 lung cancer that had metastasized to the brain and bones. He had horrible pain the last 6 months. I really thought I was prepared to lose him as I did not want him to suffer any longer and we knew there was no cure but I think the hope that he could beat it left me devastated and defeated. It has been very painful and I too am trying to keep busy and do healthy things for myself as he would want that. I miss him terribly

    • Mary Francis
      | Reply

      Dear Deb – I’m sorry for your loss and all that went before it. Please try to focus on your earlier memories of when he was healthy, because that is where your married life was. Not in those hard 17 months of pain and caregiving. It’s ok to miss him and to grieve is important as it’s necessary before you can heal. Take care, Mary Francis

  4. Sarita Chankadyal
    | Reply

    I lost my husband 2 weeks ago. He was only 38. I live in a constant haze of pain and terrible anxiety. I am not able to eat or drink much, and i am getting weak. I need help

  5. Sari
    | Reply

    I lost my husband 2 weeks ago. He was only 38. I live in a constant haze of pain and terrible anxiety. I am not able to eat or drink much, and i am getting weak. I need help

    • Mary Francis
      | Reply

      Hi Sari – Please ask your doctor, church and friends for support and a safe place to talk. If all else fails that go to the emergence department of your local hospital, because if your unable to eat or drink you need help AND you desire help so please ask for it. You matter so don’t let your life be less than you deserve. Mary Francis

  6. kmathega
    | Reply

    Hi. I lost my husband of 35 years, 5 months ago. It still hurts a lot. It feels like yesterday. I live in heartache that i don’t even know if I will recover. Whats worse my inlaws are not talking to me and my son. It hurts so bad

    • Mary Francis
      | Reply

      Hi Kmathega – You can not control what others do or don’t do. If your inlaws choose not to talk to you and your son than you have to respect their decision and let it go. It has only been 5 months so maybe they are grieving and need some time to themselves. I’m sorry for your loss and hope that you take control of what you can as you start to create a new future without your loved one. Mary Francis

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