Five Years as a Widow

As I begin to take stock of my life and make new and different choices I feel some peace of mind.  I perceive this stage of my journey as a period of reflection and I discovered the wisdom that comes from being able to look both backwards and forwards with a certain measure of grief experience.

As of today it has been five years since Donnie’s death.  On one hand it still feels like yesterday, but on the other hand I feel more distant from the grief and I look back to those days with less pain.  I’ve moved forward and I am not the same person I was five years ago.

Although I am no longer a “wife”, I am still a “mother” and now a “grandmother”.  As widows ours lives changed and we cannot control the situation but we can control how we react to it.  It is up to us to become stronger and not let it forever drag us down.

I still have my moments of sadness and I miss having Donnie in my life but I made a decision years ago that I would not be a victim of grief.  Now I spend my time enjoying the present and planning my future.  My past is full of great memories but it is only one part of my book of life and I have lots of living still to do.

8 Responses

  1. Gloria
    | Reply

    Thanks, I like the the part about enjoying the present and planning my future.

  2. Helen
    | Reply

    Thank you so much for that post: I am widowed only for 6 months and it's still hard to believe the life will get out of the permanent sadness and darkness. I still hope so and live one day at a time.

    • Mary Francis
      | Reply

      I’m sorry Helen that your husband has passed away and that you are now a widow.  Don’t rush grieving as it’s a normal part of our healing and is necessary.  Take care of yourself and if there is anything I can do to help please let me know,  Mary Francis

  3. LOUVENIA
    | Reply

    LOUVENIA

    I have been widowed for five months and myheart is broken beyond repair at this point.

     

    • Mary Francis
      | Reply

      I’m so sorry Louvenia.  The pain of grief is hard to bear and you are still in the early stages.  I know it’s hard to believe but you will heal.  It is a slow process and that’s normal so don’t try to rush.  Only by letting our grief have it’s time, will we ever be ready to heal.  Take care, Mary Francis

  4. Rania ahmed
    | Reply

    I am widow since 4 months with 2 girls 7 and 3 years  i loved my husband so much but god faith that he pased away at 36 years old very painful

  5. Jeri
    | Reply

    I lost my husband 6 months ago. We were so close. The last 5 years he was in a nursing home. But we still saw each other and had precious time together. We also talked on the phone a lot. Then, suddenly he was gone. He is not in pain anymore, but my pain with the grief I am experiencing is so strong. I have regrets, and also feel like there is no hope for my life. I am disabled physically. I have a scooter, but cannot take it anywhere since I can not afford the right vehicle. We moved closer to our daughter when my husband went in the nursing home. I miss my friends in another state, but am unable to visit them. I feel like I am not really home. The friends I have here are older than me, and we do not relate to the same things. I wish ?I could talk to my husband and tell him all I didn’t get to say before he died.

    • Mary Francis
      | Reply

      Dear Jeri – I’m sorry for your loss, but you still have him to “talk” things over with. Write a letter to your husband with all your news, things that you are struggling with, but also the things that you are thankful for. The letter can be written in your daily journey so that no one sees it but you.

      There is something powerful about writing out our feelings and also being thankful for what we still have. That can be hard to do when we are grieving but it is a great way to start your healing. Take care, Mary Francis

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