Grieve, Cry, Be Sad – I Dare You

Yes, I dare you to grieve, cry and be sad, because that may be your journey when you lose someone you love.

Don’t rush your grief, and don’t let others rush it either. I’ve had women write me after the loss of their spouse and it’s only been one or two months, and they are already seeking professional help because they can’t stop crying, they are sad and don’t want to get out of bed.

Yes, so what’s wrong with that? You’re grieving and if that’s how your body wants to heal it’s broken heart, then let it. Now if it’s been a year or more, than you may need some help understanding how to handle your grief and there may be other issues that are highlighted because of your loss.

If you want to go to therapy, join a grief recovery group or church group, then of course you should. But, please understand that they are tools to help you grieve, and there is no magic quick fix for your broken heart. Also, that it is perfectly okay to grieve, cry and be sad, if that is what your mind and body want to do, let it flow.

12 Responses

  1. Mary
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    Thank you for your post. I’ve been sitting crying again and I just feel like I’m not getting any better. My soulmate of 30 years died on Feb 8th and though it’s been 3 months, I feel like I’m getting sadder. It’s just so hard and I miss him so very much and I just don’t know how to begin to live without him. On most days it’s still hard to believe he’s really gone. He was my best friend and we did everything together and I no longer have any purpose in life or anything to look forward too. I have my kids and grandkids who I love dearly, but it’s just not the same. I still feel so alone when I’m home.

    • Mary Francis
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      I’m sorry for the loss of your soulmate. Thirty years is a lifetime and it’s natural that you should be unbalanced and not feel like you have anything to look forward to. It’s okay to feel that way, your broken heart needs to heal and that will come as you adjust to this unwanted new life.

      As you said “I have my kids and grandkids who I love dearly”, that is worth everything in this world where many widows are on their own with no love and no support from family. In time your heart will heal enough to enjoy the time you still have with those loved kids and grandkids. For now, adjusting and accepting that “life is not the same” is enough for you to handle. Take care and keep in touch as you are not alone in your feelings. Mary Francis

  2. DL
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    I have been grieving for 3 1/2 years as I watch my beautiful sweet husband of 23 years and my best friend die an excruciating slow death from ALS. He is 54 and probably in his final months. My heart is broken. He was my future, and I’m terrified that I have lost the strong woman he fell in love with. I am broken. I am traumatized. I really could care less if I die. If it weren’t for my autistic brother who I will be responsible for when my parents pass, I would kill myself and be done with it.

    • Mary Francis
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      Dear DL – Thank you for sharing and I’m so sorry that you lost your beloved husband of 23 years. I also found it hard in the third year and I don’t think that I really got my feet under me for another year after that. It’s very hard to be a caregiver and watch your loved one die a slow death and so it’s understandable that your grieving is taking time. Hold on to the love you have for your parents and autistic brother, because it’s often love that saves us from going over the edge. Take care and keep in touch, Mary Francis

  3. Berney
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    Hi Mary. Thank you for this post. My hubby passed away on 25 April 2018. This weekend (18-20 May) was the first time that I stopped working. I had to secure an income for myself and my dogs ASAP. It’s been a terrible weekend. I’m hardly eating and when I do it’s not healthy foods. I just can’t bring myself to cook a meal for myself yet. I’m operating on autopilot. There’s so much that needs to be done, but I just want to lay in bed all the time. Your words make me feel better about that. God bless. :-*

    • Mary Francis
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      Hi Bernadette – Oh my, it’s only been a month – I’m so sorry!! Your grieving and I’m not surprised that food is not of interest and that laying in bed is about all the energy you have to give. Please be ok with that – grieving has to have it’s time and there is nothing wrong with you taking that time. Keep following the blog and YouTube channel as they will help with tips and support. Also, get all the free guides off my website’s home page as they will give you some tips and support. Take care, Mary Francis

  4. Donna
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    Hi Mary – this is my first time on this website and when I read your comment above I felt like it was mine. I too lost my husband of 25 years in January and I feel exactly as you do. I’m glad I’m not alone – I feel like I’m the only one going through this. My life is so empty without him and I feel guilty at times because I have three children who still live at home but like you said it’s just not the same. I’m lost without him. Thanks for sharing.

    • Mary Francis
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      Hi Donna – You are not alone in this and I understand your pain. We widows are lost without our loved ones and it takes time to get back on our feet. Your heart is broken so let it have the time it needs to heal and don’t feel guilty about your emotions at this time in your journey. Take care of yourself first, Mary Francis

  5. Nancy E Thornham
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    I just watched your video on grieving and the so called stages of grieving. It was very reassuring.
    My husband passed away Dec 4, 2017 and I really thought I was dealing with his death very well. I have tried to develop a positive attitude toward life and put on a happy face. However lately I seem to have regressed to just wanting to sit and cry all the time. Keeping a positive attitude is hard work and not always possible.
    I so appreciate your site. Thank you.
    Nancy Thornham

    • Mary Francis
      | Reply

      Hi Nancy – It’s often normal to have emotional ups and downs when grieving for years after the loss. You have the right idea to try and be positive, but please be okay with the fact that your grieving and don’t hide from it. At the best of times in life, it’s not always possible to be positive and so at this time of your life there is nothing wrong with being sad. In fact I believe that before our broken hearts can heal they have to be allowed to grieve. Take care and keep in touch, Mary Francis

  6. Snady
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    I lost my soulmate on Aug 30 of 2017. I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer in March of 2016 and my husband who had diabetes for 20 years lost his will to live thinking I would not survive. I am surviving and he did not. I am struggling more now than I did when he passed away, I believe because I was dealing with my own health and focused on getting back to normal and surviving cancer. I am maintaining the business that we had together, my days are filled but my evenings and week-ends when I am by myself is the hardest part; he was only 62 and we had so much life ahead of us. I have a great support system with my church group, family and friends. I am not bitter or angry because he suffered for 15 months and I know he is in heaven and I am at peace with that knowing I will see him again. My question is, how do I feel that joy again when there is no one to share it with? Thank you.

    • Mary Francis
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      Surviving Widowhood
      To “survive” as per the dictionary means “to live after the death of another person; to continue, endure; to come through alive”.
      Dear Snady – I think that surviving widowhood is more than just “coming through alive”. It’s a journey where you grow stronger and more independent. You really have no choice because grief wants to take over your life. You will not “come through alive” – in fact you will just be letting the world pass you by.

      Do more than “survive” – get to know yourself and come out swinging. Stand up and fight for a life that is full of friends and family. Join groups, volunteer, find your passion and just go do it. Don’t feel bad that you are the one that’s alive – instead be even more alive by seeking out positive people. Be a survivor in more than body – be a survivor in your heart and soul. Take care, Mary Francis

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